10 Best Fez Quotes From That ’70s Show

Fez is perhaps the greatest character on That 70s Show due to his effortless charm and exotic mystery. In a way, he is the glue that brings all of the friends in Eric Forman’s basement to life. There’s Donna (the voice of reason), Eric, (the star wars nerd), Kelso, (the loveable doofus), Jackie (the spoiled princess) and Hyde (the rock n’ roll rebel).

But what would all of them be without the good-hearted and often hilariously inappropriate Fez in their circle? Perhaps nothing would ever be the same if Fez decided to one day leave Point Place Wisconsin, but luckily, they are stuck with him. Without Fez, That 70s show would be nothing, so let’s take some time to appreciate the little guy by listing his 10 best quotes of all time.

10 “I SAID GOOD DAY!”

“Good day… I said good day!”

Perhaps one of the most popularized quotes to come out of That 70s Show, Fez says this line whenever he wants to get out of a situation where he feels as though he doesn’t have the upper hand, which is pretty much… all the time.

If Fez doesn’t like where the conversation is going? “Good day!” If he doesn’t agree with you? “I said good day!!!” *sigh* If only we could end all of our unsatisfying conversations this way…

9 “THEY HAVE FREE FOOD”

Jackie: “Oh my god, you guys just gotta come over to the dark side.”

Fez: “They have free food!”

Fez is always there to bring a sprinkle of good-hearted humor to any given situation and he sees the positive side of any given scenario. This even includes the dark side! If they have free food, who wouldn’t want to join them? Fez certainly would! A free platter of cookies and cake pops? Sign us up!

When everyone else in their friend group can get caught up in all of the drama that they often get tangled into (and let’s face it, they’re in high school, it makes sense), Fez just jumps in like a big ball of sunshine in order to deliver these cute little lines that make us smile uncontrollably.

8 “WHERE’S MY TOAST, YOU IDIOTS?!?”

Every TV character has their own set of priorities and needs. Walter White desperately needs his meth so he can sell it and live up to his Heisenberg name. Don Draper needs the best advertisements in the business so he can step up on the ladder of success in the Sterling Cooper ad agency.

Fez, on the other hand, just desperately needs his toast. That’s all he wants! Nothing more nothing less. He is a simple man in that way, and that’s exactly why we love him so much. It doesn’t take much for Fez to light up like a Christmas tree and he’ll beam up at the thought of something as simple as toast. Steal his toast? He’ll go bonkers. Our best advice is never to mess with Fez and his breakfast foods…

7 “WHY DON’T YOU JUST SHAVE IT OFF?”

Hyde: “I’m going to write an awesome slogan, like ‘I hate the fuzz’ on my ass!”

Fez: “If you hate the fuzz on your ass, why don’t you just shave it off?”

Characters are the best when they have the intelligence of a goldfish because it’s always easy to score laughs from the naive beliefs of the loveable idiot. While Fez can often be naive when it comes to taking things too literally such as in this instance, he is so much more interesting than your typical “loveable idiot” character.

Fez is not simply naive, he is also extremely mysterious and gentle while at the same time seems to have some wickedly naughty thoughts brewing in that mind of his at all times. The best thing about Fez is that you truly never know what you’re gonna get with him. He is unpredictable and that’s what makes him so funny in the long run.

6 “I TOO MUST GO TO THE BATHROOM… ERIC?”

Jackie: “Donna, I have to go to the ladies room… Donna??”

Fez: “I too must go to the bathroom… Eric?”

Eric: “No, it doesn’t work that way with guys.”

Fez is a foreign exchange student in Point Place Wisconsin, USA, although we never do quite figure out exactly where he’s from. One of the running gags on the show is that his background and origins all remain a mystery.

When he first settles into the US, he still has to learn and adjust to find out what is considered appropriate in 1970s middle America. Although he never quite adjusts, we like him just the way he is and even prefer his eccentric ways to that of anyone else’s in Point Place.

5 “GIVE IT UP FOR HEAVEN’S SAKÉ”

“Oh, Eric. Give it up for heaven’s saké!”

Heaven’s saké? What is this heaven’s sake that Fez speaks of? When he says, ‘saké,’ is he trying to pronounce the Japanese rice wine or is he referring to the British Writer, Saki?

We may never know, but most likely Fez just doesn’t know how to pronounce the American phrase. It’s okay though, because “heaven’s saké” is an even better phrase than “heaven’s saké” and we might just have to steal the phrase for heaven’s saké. See? We’re already doing it. It’s so catchy!

4 “WHEN IS IT FEZ’S TURN?”

“Every day I am here with my heart on my sleeve, hoping for friendship. And acceptance. And what do I get? Abandonment. Loneliness. When is it Fez’s turn??”

Oh, Fez. We wish we could show you all of the friendship and acceptance so you wouldn’t have to be faced with abandonment and loneliness. Yet at the end of the series, it seems as though Fez gets everything he’s ever wanted and then some.

He ends up with Mila Kunis for Heaven’s saki, so it seems as though things are pretty great for Fez in the end. Sometimes all it takes is being a genuinely good person to get decent things in this world and compared to the rest of his friends, Fez is a straight up saint.

3 “I WAS YOUR SECRET SQUIRREL”

“I was your secret squirrel, you son of a bitch!”

A secret squirrel can often refer to a person who has to keep a dark secret. In this case, the friends from Eric’s basement have to keep a secret from Kelso that they saw Jackie hooking up with some guy at the cheese shop.

Fez takes the fact that he is a “secret squirrel” with great pride and if you doubt his secret squirrel abilities, he will not be pleased with you. In fact, he might get the slightest bit aggressive about it. Just don’t doubt his secret squirrel abilities, and all will be fine in this world.

2 “I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE LOVE TO AN 80-YEAR-OLD”

“I would love to make love to an 80-year-old. They must know everything, and not just about sex, but history and trivia too.”

This line is so pure while at the same time revolting, considering the fact that Fez is a straight up high school student. Yet the fact that he respects his elders (well, kinda) and sees their worth as people who know all of the “trivia” and history” is what makes Fez a truly unique and special individual.

Only Fez would be able to pull off a line like this, because, well, he’s Fez. This is just the random nonsense that he says on a regular basis and honestly, we can’t get enough of it.

1 “WELCOME TO MY SAD LITTLE WORLD”

On the whole, Fez is extremely positive and sunny, yet there have been a handful of times when he has come across as artistically miserable. It’s as though he revels in his sadness at times and belongs in a music video for The Smiths where he can just soak in his sorrows while the rest of the world feels his pain.

This quote feels like a line that we can all use when things aren’t going our way, and for Fez, this is quite the common occurrence. Welcome to his sad little world! He has free food. (Just don’t take his toast).