10 Hilarious Dumbledore Quotes

One of the funniest characters in the Harry Potter universe is without a doubt Albus Dumbledore. His light mockery of authority, his love of sweets and his flamboyant fashion sense make him a delight to read and watch. Like most good comedians, he utilizes his wit to generate some of the most biting quips in the books and films, sometimes even taking a shot at his fellow teachers.

Dumbledore might be well-known for delivering some of the wisest bits of wisdom in J.K. Rowling’s works to the point of being quoted in everything from memes to essays, but he also uses his wisdom in some of the cheekiest quotes in children and young adult literature.

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10 Can It, Vernon

Dumbledore has a great line when Vernon attempts to sound threatening and says he doesn’t mean to be rude… “‘-yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often,’ Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. ‘Best to say nothing at all, my dear man. Ah, and this must be Petunia…'” It’s a line we should all reserve in our snark banks for similar situations.

9 Goat Jokes

“My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I’m not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery…” The joke works on multiple levels and the author revealed that she meant it to be an ambiguous one.

8 Funny Until The End

When Draco insisted that Madame Rosmerta had said Dumbledore would be going for a drink when the two faced one another in the astronomy tower, Dumbledore responded, “Well, I certainly did have a drink… and I came back… after a fashion,” making light of the terrible ordeal he’d only just faced.

7 Hip With Harry’s Generation

“What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret… so, naturally the whole school knows,” he informed the young Chosen One, not only giving him a head’s up but pointing out how much he sees at his school. It’s also the first of many end-of-book revelations that the old wizard shares with the Boy Who Lived.

6 Be Reasonable, Severus

At any rate, a furious Snape is certain that it has SOMETHING TO DO WITH POTTER, and Dumbledore, who also knows that Harry is to blame for the escape, calmly assesses his double agent and says, “Severus – be reasonable – Harry has been locked up—” It’s almost as funny as the scene where a levitating unconscious Snape continuously hits his head while leaving the Shrieking Shack.

5 Hurry Up And Croak Already

Harry stammered over Fawkes “catching fire” when Dumbledore entered his office and the saucy wizard smiled, replied, “About time, too. He’s been looking dreadful for days; I’ve been telling him to get a move on,” and gave a chuckle! Of course, it seems insensitive and harsh until Harry understands that Fawkes will be reborn in the bird’s own ashes immediately.

4 Who, Me?

Dumbledore, however, is unfazed as ever. “‘I have gone temporarily deaf and haven’t any idea what you said, Harry,’ said Dumbledore, twiddling his thumbs and staring at the ceiling.” It’s hilarious and sort of adorable, but also points toward Dumbledore’s own disdain for the lying reporter, especially since he’s demanded respect for other adults the trio has bashed in the past.

3 Interoffice Humor

“‘Do you know, Harry, I think she might have been,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Who’d have thought it? That brings her total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise.” It also points to the fact that Dumbledore, who doesn’t put much stock into Divination, knows very well that Trelawney isn’t the seer she claims to be yet he keeps her on anyway.

2 Tough Guy Talk

The wizard said he wasn’t planning on it, but he could totally pull it off if he wanted to do it. “‘Merlin’s beard, no,’ said Dumbledore, smiling. ‘Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.'”

1 Start-Of-Term Feast Nonsense

Percy Weasley, whose opinion of Dumbledore truly vacillates throughout the series, assures Harry that Dumbledore is brilliant when the young wizard asks if Dumbledore is mad, saying, “He’s a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry?” It’s one of the funniest scenes in the first book and it helps paint the picture of Albus as the playful wizard he is.

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