10 Hilarious Harry Potter Jokes As Effective As Rictusempra

The wizarding world of Harry Potter has left people fascinated, compelled, and entertained for years now. The film and book series are rich enough themselves, but the way in which the fan base of the series have built up such a massive extended world of Harry Potter is truly astounding. Fans show their love towards the series in every way imaginable, even through silly jokes and puns.

Obviously in a fictional universe as vast as the Harry Potter world, there is a lot of gold to mine when it comes to coming up with hilarious gags. It’s hard to narrow down the exact best of the best, but these are 10 Harry Potter jokes that are more effective at eliciting giggles than Rictusempra (which is the tickling charm, for those of you who didn’t know).

10 Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher? Because he can’t control his pupils.

Honestly, we can accept this idea as canon. It is at the very least a much funnier and more enjoyable explanation than the fact that the real Mad-Eye Moody was abducted and imprisoned, and a child murdering lunatic took his place at Hogwarts for pretty much an entire school year.

But even Barty Crouch Jr. deserves credit where it’s due. At least the students were appropriately terrified of him, and regular old students are difficult enough to control on their own. One can only imagine what a nightmare it would be to teach kids who also have magical powers.

9 Did you survive Avada Kedavra? Cause your drop dead gorgeous.

Well someone has finally done it. They’ve found the perfect pick up line. Obviously this is a nice compliment to hear without being super creepy, but it serves the dual purpose of discovering whether or not the person you’re trying to pick up is a fellow Potterhead.

If they don’t get the reference, then it is perhaps time to move on. Or, if you’re up for a challenge, keep the conversation going and try to convert one of the few people who miraculously managed to avoid Harry Potter for the past dozen years into a new fan.

8 If your boyfriend looks like Oliver Wood, he’s probably a keeper.

Oh, Oliver Wood, such an unsung hero in the Harry Potter universe. This is a solid joke in it’s own right, but the thing that makes it a great Harry Potter joke in general is that it is so flexible. Yes, this version uses Oliver Wood, but technically you could make the same joke about every single keeper in Harry Potter universe history.

Cormac MacLaggen was a keeper. Ron Weasley was a keeper. And that’s just the keepers of the Gryffindor quidditch teams. We love a good gag that has multi-purpose uses.

7 On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters.

This is definitely a top notch Harry Potter joke, but true Potterheads might have a hard time with the follow through on this one. Obviously any true Harry Potter fan will get the reference, but the hardest of hardcore fans would probably have a rough time saying that they are not a level ten insane fan unlike any other.

A quarter of a point might not seem like much, but when you have your fanboy or fangirl credibility to prove, it can feel like almost everything. Still, we have to give credit where it’s due, and this is a solid joke.

6 Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook? Because he only has followers, not friends.

Where is the lie though? The thought of Voldemort on social media is actually hilarious though. Obviously he’s not going to go for Instagram, because he’s not exactly photogenic. Twitter seems like a solid bet because of the followers thing.

Facebook is a no go, both because he would never want anyone to think he’s their friend and because obviously he doesn’t want to interact with his family on social media. Actually, it seems like Voldemort would be a perfect fit for the emo platform of Tumblr. Or if he had some artistic talents, maybe DeviantArt.

5 What’s the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books? A ginger with two friends.

It ain’t easy being ginger. To be fair, the Harry Potter film and book series probably did a lot for the public image of gingers throughout it’s successful run, given that the entire Weasley family are fire engine redheads and they also happen to be the greatest family in the entire series.

But when you think about it, it is kind of weird that they seem to have so few friends. Even Fred and George, the funniest characters in the series and who appear to be very well liked, only seem to have like two friends besides each other too.

4 What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell? Gifted. What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells? Pregnant.

That is unfair to Hufflepuffs! At least it’s partially unfair to Hufflepuffs. As Cedric Diggory demonstrated, Hufflepuffs can be absolutely exceptional students and wizards, and it’s not their fault that the leader and founder of their house wanted to train literally everyone with magical ability that she could find.

So, yes, sometimes the students of Hufflepuff are less than impressive. But even someone with one brain cell can try their very best, and if pregnancy can double their total intellect then, well, you have to take your wins where you can get them. Fingers crossed that the father was a Ravenclaw.

3 How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron? Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

The truth hurts sometimes. But other times it’s just hilarious. Even those who have been sorted into Slytherin would have a tough time denying this one. Confidence definitely isn’t a bad thing, but when you start feeling like you really are the center of the universe maybe it’s time to reel it back in a bit.

We’re a little confused about the physics of this scenario though. Like, if the cauldron starts to revolve, does that mean it literally starts moving in a circle around said Slytherin? Or is the wand acting as some kind of extension of their actual body?

2 Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls? Because he has a Longbottom.

Well technically he is a Longbottom, so if you want to be grammatically correct this entire joke falls apart. But just for the sake of enjoyment, we’re going to roll with it.

But much like in the last joke, we’re a bit confused about the mechanics of this scenario. Specifically, how is he using these two bathroom stalls? If he were Widebottom instead of Longbottom it would be easier to visualize, but I guess if he’s sitting sideways on the toilets then it could possibly work? Either way, we’re glad this isn’t a problem that we personally have to deal with.

1 Why can’t Harry Potter tell apart his potions pot and his best mate? Because they’re both cauldron.

This is a wonderful and hilarious play on words, but if it were even partially based in reality then we’d be seriously concerned for Harry Potter’s survival prospects. Yes, both his cauldron and BFF Ron are “called Ron”, but if he can’t differentiate between Ron Weasley and a cauldron then god knows what could have happened in the wizarding war.

Even Helen Keller would have known the difference between these two, so if Harry wasn’t clever enough to suss out which one was which then it’s a borderline miracle that he even survived long enough to make it to Hogwarts.