15 Now-Funny Quotes From The Twilight Saga That Didn’t Age Well

The Twilight Saga may have ended a long time ago, but interest in it has never fully waned, and opinions about it have changed and evolved over the years. While the story was quite melodramatic, there were also a lot of intentionally comedic moments, thanks to the abundance of hilarious scenes and lines delivered mostly by the main characters.

Though most of the “meant to be serious but are actually funny” quotes came from the first movie, there are some notable examples from the following installments in The Twilight Saga, all of which deserve attention, as they are true gems unfound elsewhere.

Updated on January 10th, 2022 by Hilary Elizabeth: Funny Twilight quotes are a part of the saga’s overall charm and appeal as well as something that’s kept fans coming back to the movies over and over again all these years later.

The funniest Twilight quotes often weren’t intended to be so but that only makes them all the more humorous. Whether it’s the writing, the delivery, or both, there are many funny Twilight quotes that will make fans both cringe and giggle for years to come.

An Odd Metaphor

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

What a stupid lamb.

What a sick, masochistic lion.”

Despite the outrageous success of the Twilight book series, fans and detractors alike have admitted that some of Stephenie Meyer’s writing just sounds incredibly awkward and unnatural. And nothing could have made that clearer than when this quote was translated to the screen.

This metaphor is obviously meant to convey the dangerous but unstoppable love that the vampire and human feel for one another, but this dialogue was so clunky that most fans couldn’t help but giggle at the absurdity.

A Weird Pet Name

“You better hold on tight spider monkey.”

Edward often speaks about how he has been alone for so long, but if this is how he normally flirts with girls, it’s not hard to understand why he couldn’t find romance before meeting Bella. It’s not unusual for couples to have cute, animal-based nicknames for one another, but “spider monkey” is both oddly specific and not exactly the cutest choice when referring to your new girlfriend.

Honestly, Bella piggybacking on Edward while he ran at super-speed was already silly, but this really took it over the top.

You Are My Sunshine

“My Hands Are Freezing. Must Be Nice Never Getting Cold.

It’s A Wolf Thing.

No, It’s A Jacob Thing, You Could Be Like Your Own Sun.”

When Jacob decides to teach Bella how to drive a motorbike, the weather is not the most pleasant, to say the least. Naturally, Bella points this out as she is slowly starting to freeze.

Jacob, on the other hand, isn’t cold at all thanks to him being a werewolf. But even though Bella’s next remark is meant to be quite straightforward, it still sounds weird. Bella makes a lot of claims about not having romantic feelings for Jacob, but “you could be your own sun” definitely gives off some loving vibes.

That Really Should Matter Though

“I’m Designed To Kill.

I Don’t Care.

I’ve Killed People Before.

It Doesn’t Matter.”

One of the most famous scenes from the first movie in the saga is the one where Bella confronts Edward about his true nature yet another time, and Edward finally gives in and decides to tell her the truth.

But once he does, he warns her not to get close to him, as it is extremely dangerous. He warns her again and again, but Bella keeps saying she doesn’t care. Any rational person would probably run for their life, so watching Bella be so naive probably made most viewers either want to scream at her for being so stupid or to laugh at her astonishing lack of survival instincts.

Losing A Loved One

“Come Back To Me, Please, Baby.”

The moment Bella got pregnant (which is supposedly impossible), everyone realized that it wasn’t going to end up well. Unsurprisingly, the birth of Renesmee was very difficult for Bella, who almost died during the process.

When Edward was trying to bring her back to life, he was obviously very worried. But the fact that he calls Bella “baby” in a moment like this just sounds out of place and funny in a twisted kind of way. It doesn’t fit well with Edward’s typical manner of speaking, so it kind of takes the audience out of the moment.

Google Product Placement

“Are You Going To Tell Me How You Stopped The Van?

 Yeah. Um… I Had An Adrenaline Rush. It’s Very Common. You Can Google It.”

Before Edward finally confessed to Bella who he really is, she had to nag him about it for a very long time. After all, she was very intrigued by the guy who had seemingly vacillating hot-and-cold feelings for her, yet saved her life.

One of the first times when she tries to get him to tell her the truth, he very seriously replies that it was an adrenaline rush. But even though Edward was trying to come up with a believable excuse, his response is nothing short of laughable, especially given how stilted and awkward he is when he explains it.

Unwanted Contact

“I Kissed Bella. And She Broke Her Hand. Punching My Face. It Was A Complete Misunderstanding.”

The scene where Jacob kisses Bella and she punches him in the face has been memed many times at this point. At that moment, her face was contorted while Jacob was aimlessly running around without a single idea of what he should do next.

Thankfully most movies and TV shows wouldn’t make a joke out of two friends assaulting each other today, but the absurdity of the situation as well as the way Jacob explains it definitely makes it unintentionally funny.

New Love

“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

Bella and Edward are arguably obsessed with one another to an unhealthy degree, and they are not shy about vocalizing their incredibly flowery feelings for one another. But this narration by Bella was especially cringe, and honestly a little odd.

Not only was her declaration that she was unconditionally in love with a serial killer a little unsettling, but this movie moment was just goofy because Bella was quite literally explaining what the entire audience had already seen in the film anyway.

Addicted To You

“My Family, We’re Different From Others Of Our Kind. We Only Drink Animal Blood, But It’s Your Scent. It’s Like A Drug To Me. It’s Like You’re My Own Personal Brand Of Heroin.”

Once Edward tells Bella about his true nature, he also dumps some exposition on her about his family and the world of vampires. Surprise – they are vampire vegetarians!

The only problem is that Edward wants to kill Bella because her blood or her scent is like a drug to him… like a personal brand of heroin. Both the book and film versions of Twilight are known for their over-the-top purple prose, but Edward’s analogy is one of the most memorable lines in the saga, for all the wrong reasons.

Naturally Warm

“Let’s Face It, I Am Hotter Than You.”

Bella is not the only one constantly pointing out the fact that Edward is extremely cold and Jacob is extremely hot. Jacob notices it too (and Edward is probably somewhat insecure about it).

Naturally, Jacob decides to use this to his advantage and tells Edward as much when they share a conversation while protecting Bella. She needs to be warmed up in the cold of the night, but Jacob clearly means that the temperature of his body is not the only way in which he is hotter than Edward.

Sparklepires

“This Is What I Am.

It’s Like Diamonds.”

The moment Stephenie Meyer decided to make vampires sparkle in the sun was the moment they became the butt of the numerous jokes still floating around on the internet. It may look beautiful as an idea, but it definitely doesn’t work, especially on screen. And obviously, many observers found the idea of sparkling vampires to be childish and weird.

Thankfully, Bella does find it beautiful, “like diamonds.” For members of the audience with some sense of humor, this probably was yet another line to laugh at.

Strange Love

“Imprinting on someone is like, when you see her, everything changes. All of a sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.”

Twilight’s author Stephenie Meyer really went out of her way to establish a base mythology that would explain away and rationalize how the nearly adult Jacob would instantly know that a literal newborn baby was the love of his life, but it was all just putting lipstick on a pig.

Unfortunately, the filmmakers had no choice but to adapt this plot twist, and there was no way of making it more palatable, no matter how much they tried. And this corny quote certainly didn’t help.

A Different Kind Of Monster

“Because It Was Her. From The Beginning, It Was Nessie Who Wanted Me There.

Nessie? You Nicknamed My Daughter After The Loch Ness Monster?”

One thing many fans are adamant about is that the whole Jacob and Renesmee pairing is awkward and bad for the plot and the integrity of the story. Luckily, some hilarious interactions were borne out of this revelation.

For instance, when Bella is recovered from giving birth and transitioning into a vampire, she finds out that Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee. And once Jacob opens his mouth, things get even worse. Bella’s outrage at the name he had given her daughter is justifiable, but it’s still hilarious to watch.

Bad Romance

“If the rush of danger is what it takes to see him, then that’s what I’ll find.”

Even when the first Twilight book was released in 2005, much of Bella and Edward’s romance was perceived as toxic and unhealthy by observers. And time has not been kind to the story.

There are many instances where the love between Bella and Edward seems like a nightmare rather than a dream, but the plot twist of Bella hallucinating Edward when she’s in danger and therefore putting herself in dangerous situations to experience that is one of the cringiest aspects of the series.

A Statement Of Fact

“I Know What You Are.

Say It… Out Loud. Say It.”

The big revelation from the very first movie is one of the most important moments for the entire story of Bella and Edward. Incidentally, it is also one of the funniest scenes in the saga.

There was a chance for it to be good, but the way Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart deliver it just makes everything way funnier than it is supposed to be. They’re both great actors, but the movies tried to make the tension so intense that it just made it silly instead of powerful.

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