15 Quotes From Scrubs That Are Still Hilarious Today

The show may have ended years ago, but some Scrubs quotes still stick with fans who have a whole catalog of them to reference in everyday life. Admittedly, it’s some more than others, but that doesn’t make the others any less enjoyable.

Scrubs was full of iconic and hilarious moments, resulting in some of the most notable quotes, and there are certainly plenty of memorable ones that have and will stick with fans for a long time.

Updated October 25th By Rhys McGinley: Scrubs is one of the most underrated and underappreciated single-camera comedies of the 21st century, and with the new fantastic rewatch podcast Fake Doctors, Real Friends With Zach + Donald being a massive hit, there is no better time to go back and give Scrubs a watch. The show is riddled with hilarious moments and quotes, so many of which have remained hilarious to this day, over a decade since the show’s end.

15 “For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to.”

This quote is from season three, “My Screw Up,” and it perfectly sums up J.D.’s quirkiness, as well as his relationship with Dr. Cox.

Let’s not forget all of the sass this series (and its characters) are so well known for. Also, for a public showing system, shower shorts sound like an elegant solution to a problem.

14 “…Everything That Exists, Past, Present, And Future, And All Discovered And Undiscovered Dimensions… OH! And Hugh Jackman.”

Dr. Cox’s mysterious, hilarious, and persistent hatred for Hugh Jackman pops up on numerous occasions through Scrubs, and the pinnacle of that hatred comes here when Cox lists everything he cares as little about as he and J.D.’s supposed last week together.

The rest of this long list Cox spews onto J.D. goes “Low Carb Diets, Michael Moore, The Republican National Convention, Kabala, And All Kabala Related Products, Hi-Def TV, The Bush Daughters, Wireless Hotspots, The OC, The UN, Recycling, Getting Punk’d, Danny Gans, The Latin Grammy’s, The Real Grammy’s, Jeff That Wiggle Who Sleeps To Darn Much, The Yankees Payroll, All The Red States, All The Blue States, Every Hybrid Car, Every Talk-Show Host, Everything In The Planet, Everything In The Solar System, Everything, Everything, Everything, Everything, Everything, Everything, Everything…”

13 J.D.: “You’re the only man who’s ever been inside of me!”

From season six, “My Musical,” this quote is another perfect example of J.D. And one of his relationships, though this time with the one and only Turk.

These two guys have always had a special bond, as many of their quotes have shown us. Although this quote does leave us wondering, is it safe to trust a best friend to operate on you safely? Presumably, they are emotionally compromised.

12 Dr. Cox: “Would you get off my ex-wife?”

Let’s be fair, Dr. Cox deserves all of the flack she can give him. Not only because it’s karma, but because she has a point here, detailing Cox’s love interests as well as his inability to stop sleeping with Jordan.

Carla is the only one with the guts to point it out to him. But that won’t stop her from having some fun along the way.Oh, and if you want to watch this quote again, it is in Season 2, My Fruit Cups.

11 “No…Barbie, no. It makes you look like a prostitute that caters exclusively to clowns.”

Sometimes it’s hard to laugh when Dr. Cox is tearing Elliot down, given her low self-esteem and everything.

But then there are times where his zingers are so perfect, it’s hard to do anything but laugh. It does help to know that she does eventually come into her own and eventually starts giving it right back to Dr. Cox.

10 J.D.: “So, he has a cute butt. Everyone has a cute butt. I have a cute butt.”

From the first season, “My Super Ego,” comes this hilarious quote. J.D.’s so jealous he’s turning green, but don’t worry, Carla knows precisely how to stomp all over that.

Given that Carla is a no-nonsense woman, and more than a little bit sassy, we’re not at all surprised by her fantastic reply of “You should bring it in someday.”

9 “Do You See What You Get Carla?! Do You See What You Get When You Mess With The Warrior?!”

To say that Turk is not as sensitive as J.D. would be a vast understatement, but that does not stop him from being a hilarious character, even if this combo comes at the expense of Carla.

This scene is the perfect example of that, where the pair are hanging out with J.D. and Kylie, who arm wrestle with J.D. allowing Kylie to win, whereas Turk completely decimates Carla and shouts this hilarious brag at her.

8 “Elliot: Yeah, I’m not that great with kids. They’ve got such tiny hands. It’s creepy.”

Elliot essentially turned full circle with her perspective on children earlier in the series to how she feels about them by the end. But that makes this quote all the funnier.

There was a time where she found kids, specifically their hands, creepy. We wonder, does she find her own kid’s hands creepy? That might make living with them a bit difficult.

7 “Benign… Benign And A Half “

The Janitor is one of the most consistently brilliant characters on the show, always delivering sharp quips, genius improvisations from Neil Flynn, and some outstanding quotes.

This entire exchange where J.D. notices a medical issue with the Janitor’s intimates is hilarious, and this quote tops the whole thing off.

6 “If the next two words out of your mouth aren’t ‘See Ya’, then the third will be: ‘Oh my god, my crotch. You punched me in the crotch.”

Dr. Cox: a flinty and callous person on the outside, and a callous yet caring person on the inside. He provides some of the best zingers in the series – by far.

He’s not fond of being bothered all the time, which probably isn’t a great trait for a doctor or a teacher, let alone somebody who is meant to be both.

5 J.D.: “Laverne, what would you give me if I get this jellybean in your cleavage?” Laverne: “A concussion.”

Laverne is another character more than capable of speaking her mind – and we do not doubt that she could and would follow through with all of her threats.

After defying these threats, there is no doubt J.D. needed a doctor’s attention. At least there are plenty of them around.

4 “The Lord Didn’t Bless My Wife With All Ten Fingers. She’s Only Got Pointer And Thumb-Pinky”

Going back to the Janitor again, it is hard to choose just a couple of his funniest quotes as he has so many throughout his eight seasons on the show.

However, so many laughs come from his compulsive liar status, and this one stands above most others when J.D. points out how easy it is to make the shorts the Janitor gave him. Everything from the strangeness of the lie to the delivery is on point and remains excellent to this day.

3 “I’ll tell you there, Bobbo, either this kid has a light bulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.”

One of the most comical series of events comes from season four, “My Office Now,” there are probably a dozen other quotes we could have pulled from this episode, but this one is perhaps the funniest out of context.

We’re still confused about the how and why of this enlightening situation. But then again, we’re probably better off not knowing all of the details here.

2 “I shouldn’t be mopping here anyways…This is a rug.”

This quote will always make us giggle and laugh, if for no other reason than it reminds us of all the shenanigans that the good Janitor got up to, such as mopping a rug to appear busy, because, for whatever reason, he felt the need to blend in for the day.

We do have some questions, though. How did nobody else notice that before he said something? Aren’t they supposed to be smart and observant? Or have they just gotten used to ignoring what he’s doing?

1 “EAGLE!”

This quote stands out as the most iconic phrase from the show, and for good reason, it is so often a hilarious little spot in episodes and never fails to smile on the audience’s faces.

Dr. Cox may have funnier rants, or the Janitor may have funnier lies at times. However, J.D.’s “Eagle” remains a hilarious scream any time Turk hoists him up and is an absolute joy to watch every time no matter how many times you have binged the show.

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