5 Cringiest Steven Seagal Moments (& 5 Of The Coolest)

Steven Seagal is one of Hollywood’s more colorful action heroes. Throughout his career, he’s gone from the big leagues to the straight-to-video market, while claims about his past have come under increasing scrutiny and doubt.

Nevertheless, Seagal is an entertaining guy. He’s not big on the whole acting thing, but his roles in such classics as Marked For Death and Out For Justice made him a household name. Today we’re going to take lookg at 5 of the cringiest Steven Seagal moments, and 5 of the coolest. We’ll let you decide the rest!

10 “ANYBODY SEE RICHIE?” (CRINGE)

Out For Justice finds Seagal starring as Detective Gino Felino (truly?), a down-in-the-muck NYPD detective with strong neighborhood ties to local businesses, and the mafia. When deranged maniac Richie Madano murders Gino’s partner Bobby Lupo, he makes it his mission to exact vengeance.

Gino looks for Richie at a dive bar run by brother Vinnie, and proceeds to tenderize the patrons in a memorable fight sequence. Amidst all the carnage, Seagal conjures his “best” Italian accent and repeatedly yells out “Anybody see Richie? Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo?” The delivery is cringe-worthy to say the least, and the final shot of the scene feels like it was recorded long after the shooting day ended.

9 BATTLING SCREWFACE (COOL)

1990’s Marked For Death is perhaps Seagal’s best movie. In addition to it’s revved up action sequences and ultra-violence, it’s also one of Seagal’s best performances. This is due in part to the fact that he’s not an invincible superhero, and takes his fair share of knocks throughout the film.

The final battle with Jamaican voodoo drug lord Screwface is a two-faceted affair. First, Seagal mistakenly believes that he’s taken out Screwface during an assault on his home, but the villain reveals a clever secret – he’s actually a set of identical twins. The latter throws everything he has at Seagal to exact vengeance for killing his brother, setting up one of the best fight sequences in any Seagal flick.

8 “IS THAT THE BEST YOU GOT, BOY?” (CRINGE)

This one comes courtesy of 1996’s The Glimmer Man, featuring Seagal as Detective Jack Cole, a lethal ex-intelligence operative who has adopted Buddhist principles in an attempt to live a more peaceful lifestyle. Preposterous on its face, the film is remembered for some great laughs and fun action sequences with co-star Keenen Ivory Wayans.

Unfortunately, the final sequence isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, featuring a poorly-edited fight sequence with constantly recycled footage as Seagal battles his nemesis, Cunningham. After the latter scores a lucky hit, Seagal responds with “Is that the best you got, boy?” before deflecting a flurry of attacks, then adding “If that’s the best you got, I’m just gonna’ have to kill you.” It will go down as one of the dumbest scripted moments in Seagal’s movie lineup.

7 BATTLING STRANNIX (COOL)

Under Siege is probably Seagal’s most recognized action film. It assembled quite an eclectic cast, including Tommy Lee Jones, who played the film’s principal villain Bill Strannix. In addition to seeing Jones chew scenes with his hippy-infused mix of sociopathic anarchism, he also goes head to head with Seagal in one of the key fight scenes of the film.

After putting in his trademark Jones-style performance, the two engage in a knife fight where Strannix displays some serious skills, but it’s not nearly enough to overcome Seagal, who gouges his eye before driving a knife through his skull, then tossing him head-first into a radar screen.

6 “TO THE BLOOD BANK.” (CRINGE)

Hard To Kill is one of Seagal’s more memorable action flicks, with our hero starring as LAPD detective Mason Storm (cripes!), who awakens from a seven year coma after his family is slaughtered by corrupt cops. With vengeance on his mind (naturally), Storm begins stalking his family’s killers before the eventual showdown with a corrupt United States senator who orchestrated the whole thing.

As Storm keeps close tabs on a meeting between the Senator and his cronies, the former makes a quip about “taking that to the bank.” Seagal, in trademark fashion, calmly replies “I’m gonna’ take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!”

5 BATTLING RICHIE (COOL)

William Forsythe is an incredible actor who can pull off a variety of roles, but he’s at his best playing villains. None of his bad guy roles is as memorable as the psychotic Richie Madano from Out For Justice. This thoroughly detestable character plays a game of cat and mouse with Seagal’s Gino Felino, though the two never meet until the very final scene of the movie.

When they’re finally face to face, Gino unleashes 85 minutes worth of pent-up silver screen rage on Richie, beating the living tar out of the villain in one of his most creative fight scenes. Richie’s psychotic aggression is no match for Gino’s calculated combat skills, and it ends with him beaten, bloodied, and D.O.A. with a corkscrew in his forehead.

4  STEVEN SEAGAL RUNNING (CRINGE)

Any scene where Steven Seagal runs is bound to dial up the cringe factor to unparalleled levels. We first witnessed this bizarre action in Seagal’s first Hollywood flick Above The Law, and it’s since gone on to become one of the actor’s physical trademarks. We’re not entirely sure what Seagal was thinking when he decided to run like this; wringing his wrists as if he’d just finished doing the dishes.

We speculate that nobody on set had the stones to give Seagal a little physical direction when it came to running, which is why it was left as is. Either way, it doesn’t exactly suit Seagal’s tough guy persona, and the lack of self-awareness on the part of the actor makes the entire thing feel even more disjointed.

3 SEAGAL, THE BAD GUY (COOL)

2010’s action-exploitation grindhouse film Machete is a landmark in Steven Seagal’s career, featuring him playing against type when he accepted the role of a villain for the first time. As ex-Federale turned drug lord Rogelio Torrez, Seagal stole the show as an intimidating bad guy with a surprisingly good Mexican accent!

What’s interesting is that it’s a virtual role-reversal, with any other action movie pitting good guy Seagal against bad guy Danny Trejo. Here, the script flips, and with great effect. Not only did Seagal go to the dark side, but he actually died in one of his fight sequences!

2 THE TRUCK FIGHT KICK (CRINGE)

Andrzej Bartkowiak would try hard to duplicate the over-the-top action sequences of Romeo Must Die with 2001’s Exit Wounds, but it was far from perfect. While it did put Steven Seagal in an entirely different kind of action film, it also showcased just how bad a fit he was for this particular style.

Nowhere is this more apparent than a scene when Seagal confronts a gang of thugs trying to break into his pickup truck. After throwing them all a beating, one of the thugs puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger, but not before Seagal falls back and delivers a Jet Li-style kick to the face while balancing on one hand, then uprighting himself. The entire thing is done in CGI, which is notoriously difficult to watch. We wonder how Seagal felt when he saw the final cut.

1 “THAT’S FOR MY WIFE, F*** YOU AND DIE!” (COOL)

This one comes courtesy of Hard To Kill. When Mason Storm finally catches up with his wife’s killers, he gives them a fair shot at finishing the job before unceremoniously dispatching every one of them in brutal fashion. It’s the moment he’s waited a long time for, and it shows!

Seagal kicks things off by interrupting a game of pool between a group of henchmen, whom he dispatches quickly before turning his attention to his first major target – Jack Axel, the man responsible for shooting his wife. He avenges her by jamming a broken pool cue through Axel’s neck and muttering “That’s for my wife, f*** you and die!” before kicking him in the face to finish him off. Cathartic, or self-destructive? You be the judge!

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