9 Funniest Quotes From The King Of Staten Island

Judd Apatow is known for his many hilarious and crowd-pleasing comedies. His latest film The King of Staten Island gives Saturday Night Live star Pete Davidson the chance to play the leading man in this film which is largely based on Davidson’s own life.

The movie is a surprisingly powerful story about grief, but as always, Apatow manages to mix a lot of humor with the heart. With Davidson’s star-making performance and a great ensemble of funny people, the film is filled with moments that will have viewers laughing out loud. Here are the funniest quotes from The King of Staten Island.

9 “It’s Never Been Done. Not Even As A Joke.”

Despite the fact that his actual talents are questionable, Scott has big dreams of being a professional tattoo artist in the future. But as grand as those ambitions are, they are also quite misguided.

Scott often talks about his plan to one day open a restaurant tattoo parlor where customers will be inked as they eat. Scott seems oblivious to the fact that this is a very bad idea. He remains very enthusiastic about this idea never having been done before as if that should come as a surprise.

8 “Tell My Sister I Know She’s My Mother.”

Scott is a lazy and aimless young man, but the film continues to show that despite his many flaws, he cares about people and is a good person. This is depicted late in the film when a man casually approaches Scott with a severe and bloody wound in his stomach, casually looking for help.

After Scott takes the man to the hospital, they sit in the waiting room as the unusual man starts telling Scott his dying words. Among all the pandemonium, the man tells Scott ” Tell my sister, I know she’s my mother.”

7 “Why Do You Think I Smoke Weed All The Time? So I Can Slow It Down.”

Scott lives at home with his widowed mother, Margie, and his sister, Claire, who is getting ready to go off to college. Although Claire is the younger sibling, she sees it as her job to look after Scott and make sure he gets his life in order.

Before she goes to college, she tries to encourage Scott to make something of his life. She tells him that time is slipping away and Scott replies, “Why do you think I smoke so much weed? So I can slow it down.”

6 “I Think I’m Just Stupid.”

Scott can be a selfish person, but he also seems to realize his flaws and admits to them more than most people do. Though he spends most of his time smoking weed and hanging out with his reckless friends, he takes full responsibility for his mistakes.

After getting in trouble for tattooing a kid, Scott’s sometimes-girlfriend Kelsey tells him that he’s been smoking too much weed. Scott thinks it’s more to do with him just being stupid.

5 “Obama Ain’t Right.”

A big focus in the movie is Scott Carlin’s love of tattoos. His body is covered in elaborate designs and he is always looking for other people to practice his own inking skills on. However, while his friends have been willing test subjects, they aren’t always thrilled with the results.

His friend Richie criticizes Scott’s work as being very inconsistent. He specifically points to the tattoo of Barack Obama that Scott gave him, which is a hilariously warped portrait of the former president.

4 “Next Time Just Say ‘I Don’t Want A Hot Dog.'”

When Margie begins dating a new man named Ray, Scott is none too pleased, especially since the man is a firefighter like Scott’s deceased father. But Ray tries to bond with Scott by taking him out to a baseball game with his fellow firefighters.

When one of them offers Scott a hot dog he explains that he has Crohn’s decease and it would cause him to have bowel issues. Embarrassed, Ray tells Scott that he could just say he doesn’t want it. Scott responds, “I’m trying to raise awareness.”

3 “Ugh, The Weirdest. No One Is Weirder Than Me.”

After Ray and Margie become more serious, they decide that Scott needs to start helping out more around the house, which includes walking Ray’s children to school every day. Scott is less than enthusiastic about the idea.

When he goes to Ray’s ex-wife’s house to pick up the kids, she is equally skeptical at handing her kids over to this man. She asks Scott if he’s a weirdo and he immediately admits that he is, “No one is weirder than me.”

2 “I’m Gonna Tell My Mom You Tried To Drown Me!”

The tension between Scott and Ray finally boils over after Scott tries to dig up dirt to make Ray look bad. The two confront each other in the backyard and get into a hilariously pathetic fight that ends with Ray throwing Scott into the pool.

Scott is furious and tells Ray that he is going to tell his mother that he tried to drown him. Equally angry, Ray snaps back, “In an above-ground pool? You’re like f**king eight feet tall.”

1 “Why Don’t You Dip Your Weed In NyQuil?”

After their fight, Margie kicks both Ray and Scott out of the house. With nowhere left to go, Scott asks Ray if he can stay with him at the firehouse. While Ray reluctantly agrees to let him stick around, he still doesn’t think highly of Scott.

At nighttime, Scott complains that it’s too early and he can’t fall asleep. Ray is unsympathetic and tells Scott “Why don’t you dip your weed in NyQuil? You f**king drug addict.”

About The Author

Colin McCormick
(2030 Articles Published)

Colin McCormick is a Senior Writer with Screen Rant and has been a proud member of the team since 2019. In addition to his work as Screen Rant, Colin is also a writer of News, Feature and Review pieces at Game Rant. Colin has had a long passion and obsession with movies going back to the first time he saw The Lion King in theaters. Along with movies, Colin stays up-to-date on the latest must-see TV shows. While he loves to find interesting projects in any kind of genre, he has a special movie of crime stories that are infused with a little dark humor much like the work of his favorite author, Elmore Leonard.

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