Can Riverdale Stop Singing? 10 Worst Musical Numbers In The Archie Comics Series

What do Heathers, Carrie, and Hedwig and the Angry Inch all have in common? They were all the unfortunate contenders that were picked to have been in Riverdale‘s musical episodes. Musical episodes are pretty hit or miss, and let’s just say there have been three strikes already with Riverdale‘s episodes. There’s no doubt that the stars in Riverdale have talent to boot and they sing their hearts out with every number. But does that mean they should’ve done it?

With every musical episode comes storylines that should’ve never been written, lyrics that shouldn’t have been changed, and more importantly, song selections that don’t match the episode at all. Here are the ten worst musical numbers that were done for the Archie comic book series.

10 In

Out of all the first songs sung in the musical episodes, this one has to be the least impressive. The first song sets the scene of the musical, so it’s important that it’s a perfect fit. Think “Alexander Hamilton” from Hamilton or “Look Down” from Les Miserables.

“In” does a good job of introducing where the characters are in the episode, but besides that, it seems to lack everything else a good first bop has. Not to mention the chair choreography seemed a tad messy.

9 Carrie

In the Carrie musical episode, Cheryl, played by Madelaine Petsch, proves she’s the star of the show by singing “Carrie.” Dressed in a pink satin dress, Cheryl feels compelled to belt out this song to prove why she belongs in the musical as Carrie.

It’s important to note that she knocks it out of the park, but it just seemed like another reason for Cheryl to prove to others why she’s amazing when no one really asked.

8 Do Me a Favor

From the Heathers musical episode, “Do Me a Favor” is a fun filler, and unfortunately, that’s all it’ll ever be.

There’s no secret that this one isn’t the worst one to watch! But compared to all of the songs that Veronica and Betty sing together, this performance seems lackluster. Sure, the dancing is good, but Betty’s part seems too slow in comparison to Veronica’s, and Veronica outshines everyone else.

7 Big Fun

One word describes “Big Fun,” and that is yikes. This song, while arguably fun, lacks in lyric, melody, and overall mature execution. In the musical, the lyrics are for adult audiences put on top of a child-like melody, which results in an ironic and funny song.

However, when Riverdale did it, they censored all the lyrics so it resulted in simple lyrics with the same child-like melody. It was a valiant effort on Riverdale’s end but it just didn’t have that same “cool” execution like it did with Heathers: The Musical.

6 Dead Man Walking

This angsty song is one for the books, but how it’s written in the show is alarming to say the very least. Cheryl kicks Toni out of Riverdale High after seeing Toni wear red after their breakup. Toni fights fire with fire by singing a rock anthem called “Dead Man Walking.”

As she’s singing her talented heart out, she pulls a man and a woman into the song and the two end up taking off their clothes by the end. Did Toni just sing herself into a possible threesome? The world may never know since Toni ends up running off when she realizes what she’s doing.

5 Lifeboat

Let’s just rip off the bandaid – “Lifeboat” is one of those songs that is just not memorable. Though it may be beautiful and Camila Mendes performs it like no other, it’s just one of those numbers that musicals put in right before an even better song comes up next.

For the episode, it’s appropriately placed since Veronica is singing about how lonely she feels after discovering her parents’ separation. But, there are some good ballads and some very okay ballads, and this one was just very okay.

4 Our God is Love

It just gets weirder and weirder in Riverdale and it doesn’t stop at “Our God is Love.” Get ready for a cult-wedding hybrid performance with Kevin as one of the stars of the number.

In this performance, Betty films a cult, The Farm, and they’re hosting what seems to be an initiation for Kevin. But at the same time, Kevin is also holding hands with another guy, singing to him, and eventually the two kiss. So is it also a wedding? But everyone else is also wearing white.

3 Wig In A Box

Let the Hedwig season four episodes commence. It’s important Riverdale tackled this musical right due to the subject matter of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. For those that don’t know, Hedwig and the Angry Inch follows the story of a transgender woman seeking fame and fortune as a German rock singer.

So, in “Wig in a Box,” Hedwig finds herself when she puts on different kinds of wigs. But in Riverdale, this scene becomes what looks like a makeover for Kevin. In a way, this number lets Kevin express himself however he wants, but in terms of the musical, it’s misplaced.

2 Sugar Daddy

Riverdale is set in high school but when Cheryl and Toni sing “Sugar Daddy” to Principal Honey, it’s all kinds of wrong. They sing this song to try to convince him to let Hedwig and the Angry Inch be performed at the Variety Show.

But no matter how good Cheryl and Toni’s voices are, two teens singing this song to an adult man is probably not the best idea, especially since the song is riddled with sexually-charged lyrics.

1 The Origin of Love

Infidelity and betrayal define this number so it’s no surprise this one is the icing on top of the cake. In this number, Archie and Betty spend their time rehearsing for a show that is no longer happening. The two seek solace in each other after both parties fight with significant others – Archie versus Veronica and Betty versus Jughead.

While they’re singing, clips of the two of them flash across the screen hinting at the possible Barchie action that’s about to happen. And lo and behold, they kiss…and cheat on their loved ones. This back and forth between Archie and Betty is confusing and Riverdale bringing it back up again is just another tired storyline.