Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina: 10 Things About The Church Of Night That Make No Sense

The Church of Night is a massive influence on the plot of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. While completely absent from the Sabrina show of the ’90s, the new version couldn’t be done without it. It influences the decisions of most of the main characters as their ethical compass and affects the people of Greendale when the Dark Lord comes to town.

Such an important part of the show needs to be solid enough to add to the story and not throw people out of it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always make sense, even if some of the contradictions relating to the Church of Night are on purpose. So, what are some of the problems with the Church of Night?

10 Do The Unbaptized Lose Power Or Not?

At the beginning of the show, Sabrina is told that her powers will fade if she chooses not to be baptized in the Church of Night. But the Spellmans also learn of a warlock who was not part of any coven yet had a familiar. He was adopted, so he likely didn’t know much about witchcraft, and the Spellmans don’t realize what he is until Ambrose notices a few strange things when preparing his body.

What actually happens with their powers, and how long does it take? Do they have to be baptized at 16? If witches are a species separate from humans, then why should it matter if they join the church or not?

9 Are There Other Churches?

When Lilith is trying to tell Sabrina how she entered her dream without telling the truth, she says that she was part of another Satanic coven. There is also a witch’s council that supposedly governs witches all over, and an anti-pope of their church.

But how many other churches are there? How many other covens? Where do their beliefs differ if they basically all just do magic and serve Satan? It feels like the Church of Night is just the members at the school and the church that Sabrina goes to.

8 How Do These People Make Money?

The witches don’t like mortals. They don’t like dealing with mortals and think it beneath them. That begs the question, what do they do for money?

Zelda and Hilda are the only ones presented doing real-world jobs as morticians and funeral arrangers (plus Hilda’s bookstore gig). What about the rest of them? There’s no indication that the other witches and warlocks have normal jobs in Greendale or elsewhere, and their hatred of mortals would imply that they don’t.

Father Blackwood is head of their church but he still needs to get food from somewhere. Are they paying him? At the very least, the Church of Night should finance the Academy, its teachers, and many students.

7 Where Do They Live?

If the witches and warlocks hate mortals so much, where are they living? Are they actually in Greendale? Gehenna Station seems to separate the academy from Greendale, possibly just by being on the outskirts, but that’s just the academy.

Do witches and warlocks live among mortals? They sound like they’d hate the idea. Again, Hilda and Zelda obviously live in Greendale, but it doesn’t look like their neighbors are close, and they have a half-mortal niece. They have more reason to live in Greendale. It may just be that the focus on the main characters prevents viewers from seeing other witches and warlocks about town, but right now, it seems like they just live nowhere.

6 Eternal Schooling

Viewers are given to understand that witches get old. Very old. Hilda and Zelda are meant to be a few centuries old at least. Ambrose is supposedly at least 90 and Nick is supposed to be around 50. But for some reason, they seem to have a lot of witches and warlocks still going to school. Is magic really that complicated?

How deeply into it do they get? The academy acts like a high school, but given the mixed ages of its students, it doesn’t make sense unless they’re teaching everything from kindergarten magic to Ph.D. in Poisons and Potions of the Mind. Students attend from all over the world and the curriculum covers various subjects, but how long can a witch or warlock expect to attend the Academy of Unseen Arts?

5 How Many Witches Are There?

This ties in with the lack of other churches. Sometimes it seems like there are more in the area, like at Sabrina’s trial or at the academy. Even then, it feels like a few hundred people at most. Greendale may not be very large, but shouldn’t there be more witches and warlocks? Especially if they tend to live for very long.

Are they just not very fertile? Do they avoid having children? So far, all that’s known about witch pregnancy is that it takes 13 months instead of 9 (which begs the question of how long Sabrina took, among other things). It just seems like there are too few of them or that they’re too isolated.

4 If Lilith Was The First Witch, Who Was The First Warlock?

The Church of Night espouses the belief that Lilith was the first witch, as she was a consort to Lucifer. While the Church of Night certainly worships Lucifer, they call him the Dark Lord and not the Dark Father. And before Lucifer, Lilith was with Adam. So who was the first warlock?

If they hate mortals so much, they probably don’t think Adam was their ancestor. Maybe they think that Lilith made them all by herself? If that were the case, it would make more sense for them to have been worshiping Lilith, or giving her more special treatment as their ancestor. This also begs the question of why the Church of Night does not worship their warlock ancestor, at all. Weird.

3 Which Natural Laws Are They Allowed to Break?

The Church of Night talks a lot about unholy this and that. They have spells for necromancy, and Zelda has killed and resurrected Hilda multiple times with the Cain pit. Yet, sometimes the witches are absolutely furious or disturbed by Sabrina breaking the laws of nature.

Their anger about resurrecting Tommy is particularly odd because resurrection is used by Zelda on her own sister. When Sabrina uses her power as the Herald of Hell to change the weather, her family is disturbed but they started a fake tornado the season before when the Greendale 13 was coming. Where’s the rhyme or reason for breaking the laws of nature? Why is it only sometimes allowed?

2 Isn’t Their Cannibal Ritual Self-Defeating?

As Sabrina points out, why would you kill off your own kind? What’s more confusing about the Feast of Feasts is the idea that it would happen every year. Okay, the witches commit cannibalism as part of Satanic worship. That makes a certain amount of sense.

However, doing it every year will decrease their numbers way faster than they can replace them – literally, as witch pregnancies take 13 months and the ceremony is every 12. It would make at least a bit more sense if they spaced it out, like every 50 years or something. That way they could be evil without being stupid.

1 Their Laws Contradict Each Other

During Sabrina’s dark baptism, Father Blackwood declares that the only law handed to them by Lucifer is “do as thou wilt.” But this idea quickly gets trashed for anyone who’s paying the slightest bit of attention. Edward Spellman marrying a mortal? Against the law. Refusing to be baptized? Against the law. Trying to blow up the Vatican? Against the law. Hilda helping with a Catholic baptism? Against the law.

Basically, the wills of the Spellmans seem to somehow constantly contradict the law of “do as thou wilt.” The problem with their primary law is that it suggests anarchy, and the Church of Night is structured and has rules. Pick a lane, guys.

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