Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina: Zelda’s 5 Funniest Quotes (& 5 Of Hilda’s)

Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina is a Netflix series that follows Sabrina Spellman, a half-witch, half-human teenager. Based on the popular Archie Comics character and created by Riverdale‘s Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, the series takes place in Greendale, a neighboring suburb of Riverdale.

Sabrina is faced with a tough decision on her sixteenth birthday— become a full-fledged witch and abandon the mortal world, or keep her connections with her friends and forsake her coven. What she doesn’t realize is that her destiny extends far beyond her own life. Luckily, she has the support of her two aunts, who are both funny but in very different ways.

10 Zelda: “She Annoyed Me, So I Killed Her And Buried Her In The Yard.”

This is the offhand manner in which Zelda explains what has happened to Hilda when Ambrose inquires. Zelda overhears Hilda reassuring Sabrina that she has a choice when it comes to her Dark Baptism, which is kind of a lie, but it’s also what Sabrina needs to hear.

Zelda is a stickler for rules, especially when it comes to the High Priest and, more importantly, the Dark Lord. She simply can’t have Hilda spreading such “poppycock”, so she kills her. But it’s only a temporary fix, because Hilda can resurrect herself.

9 Hilda: “I Know Everything About You, Billy.”

Hilda is working a shift at Dr. Cee’s when she notices Theo being tormented by Billy and Carl, so she decides to intervene. Hilda is wearing a gaudy horror costume, which makes the scene even funnier.

She warns the boys away and Billy is caught by surprise when Hilda calls him by name. She continues, “Oh, yes. I know everything about you, Billy. And I know why you’re a bully.” She describes in alarming detail Billy’s traumatic experience while his eyes grow wider.

8 Zelda: “It’s Diabolical, And Not In A Good Way.”

Zelda returns from her honeymoon with Faustus Blackwood a changed woman. Hilda and Sabrina soon discover that she’s under an enchantment, essentially rendering her a housewife with no control over her speech or bodily actions.

Hilda and Sabrina lift the spell. Zelda stops what she’s doing— scraping up the remains of a mouse she has just ground up, and talking about squeezed lime— and exclaims, “Satan in Hell, what am I wearing?” Zelda responds with the above quip, leaving viewers to wonder what it means to be diabolical in a good way.

7 Hilda: “Throwing What?”

Sabrina decides to run for Top Boy at the Academy of Unseen Arts, against everyone’s wishes— except Nick’s. Even Ambrose is vague about whether or not he’ll vote for her.

Sabrina says, “Am I crazy, or was Ambrose just throwing shade at me?” Hilda pauses her knitting, confused, and asks the above question. But Zelda seems to be up-to-date with Sabrina’s teen lingo, confirming, “Definitely throwing shade.”

6 Zelda: “Sex, Hilda. S-E-X. Sex.”

Sabrina’s aunts are telling her about the tradition of the Lupercalia. Hilda is delicate about the subject and tries to imply that it’s less about fertility than it used to be, and more about— well, she doesn’t actually say what it’s about, she just waves her hands about and mumbles unintelligibly.

But Zelda interrupts her sister’s stuttering and explains the true nature of the tradition, even patronizingly spelling it out. Embarrassed, Hilda mutters, “Yes, I know how to spell it.”

5 Hilda: “That’s Why You’re Eating Those Almond Cookies. ‘Cause Almond Hides The Taste Of Cyanide.”

When Zelda becomes a more integrated part of the Academy and the Church of Night, she feels threatened by other witches. Some of them start bullying her, which doesn’t bother her— but when she’s become the subject of several petty curses, she decides to tell Hilda.

Hilda doesn’t like anyone messing with her family, especially her own sister. Of course, she has to do something, so she poisons a batch of almond cookies. When Shirley Jackson collapses and her head hits the table, Hilda takes a sip of tea and quips, “That’ll bruise.”

4 Zelda: “Would Any Of Them Have Ever Called Faustus A Bitch? And He Was A Little Bitch.”

Zelda steps into the role of Academy Directrix after Faustus’s leave, but not all of the students are ready to accept her. The Weird Sisters— well, Agatha, mostly— are bent on pulling pranks and trying to make a fool of Zelda.

There’s also the matter of Satan himself being secretly hidden in the bowels of the Academy, thanks to Sabrina. He has sent out a batch of beetles into the Academy to wreak havoc, and as a result, Agatha calls Zelda a bitch via enchanted writing on the blackboard. Later, Zelda tells Hilda, who agrees, “He was a bit of a bitch, wasn’t he?”

3 Hilda: “I See You. Arses.”

Hilda tries to warn the Dishonourable Council about Blackwood’s plans to subjugate witches and break away from the Churches of Darkness, but Father Methuselah dismisses her concern.

Hilda is about to walk away when she turns back and says, “Sorry, but you sit there on your platform and your privilege and you pretend you’re better than the rest and. And you’re not. You turn a blind eye, but I see you. Arses.” She walks away, clearly hoping she hasn’t made things worse for herself.

2 Zelda: “Praise Satan!”

Easily the most iconic quote of the series, “Praise Satan” is the witches’ way of acknowledging their Dark Lord. The person most often heard repeating this line is Zelda.

The quote is first heard in the premiere episode, when Hilda comes out of the house to find Zelda on the porch. She informs her sister that a young man has just died and his poor parents are coming over, to which Zelda smiles from behind her shades and utters the phrase.

1 Hilda: “I Haven’t Been This Drunk Since Queen Victoria’s Coronation. I Woke Up On The Banks Of The Thames, Naked!”

The demon Batibat visits the Spellmans one night and gives them all nightmares. Hilda dreams that Principal Hawthorne has asked her on a date, cooks an exceptional dinner for her, and then leads her upstairs.

By this point, Hilda is very intoxicated. She collapses on the stairs, laughing as she recalls the above drunken experience at the queen’s coronation. It being a quote uttered in a dream, we have no way to know if it really happened or not, but it’s fun to assume it did.

About The Author

Svetlana Sterlin
(256 Articles Published)

After years of relocation, Svetlana Sterlin (she/her) was raised by her Russian parents in Brisbane, Australia, where she completed a BFA and contributes to ScreenRant and Our Culture Magazine. An avid cinephile and bookworm, Svetlana also writes creatively across multiple forms and genres. Her fiction and poetry appear in several printed and digital publications. Find more from Svetlana here: https://linktr.ee/svetlanasterlin.

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