Curb Your Enthusiasm: 15 Best Larry David Quotes

Curb Your Enthusiasm has been one of the funniest shows on the air for a long time, but due to the fact that its scenes are improvised from a short outline, it’s tough to quote it. Every line is uttered to advance the scene, and it comes up in the moment.

The jokes aren’t labored over and crafted across a number of drafts like in other comedy series. Still, there are some gems that arise through improv, mainly coming from the series’ lead, Larry David. After all these years, what are the best Larry David quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Updated Nov. 22, 2021 by Patrick Mocella: After more than 20 years, Larry David and his hit comedy show Curb Your Enthusiasm are still going strong. While recent seasons have been divisive compared to earlier ones, they still provide fans with some great moments and quotes. Hardcore followers of the show know every episode by heart, so if you repeat any of these Larry David quotes to a fan, there’s a good chance they’ll know exactly what you’re talking about.

15 “I’m Paying, And I’ll See You Tomorrow!”

The “friendship” between Larry David and Richard Lewis is one of the highlights of the entire series and while later seasons have sorely been lacking in Richard Lewis appearances compared to earlier ones, this moment from season 10’s “Artificial Fruit” episode.

While trying to figure out who will pay for lunch tomorrow, an argument breaks out about who will pay and this prompts Larry to exit the house in a huff, but not before delivering a classic line that embodies the friendship between himself and Lewis perfectly.

14 “It’s Nice To Be Affectionate To Something German.”

There are many moments of animal high jinks on Curb Your Enthusiasm. One of the funniest examples of this is the “corpse-sniffing dog” from season 3. In the episode, Larry tries to help Jeff get rid of a dog that Jeff is allergic to but that his daughter Sammy is loath to give up, so much so that she chooses the dog over her father.

Larry too is smitten with the dog. When Jeff comments on it to Larry, Larry delivers this line which isn’t a punchline many remember but is hilarious given Larry’s Jewish background. Larry David has never been afraid to lean into jokes relating to atrocities inflicted on the Jewish people, much like one of his comedic heroes, Mel Brooks.

13 “I Think You Blew Him.”

Larry David getting yelled at by women is a common trope in Curb Your Enthusiasm, and this quote might come from the funniest time this has happened.

In season 7’s episode “Vehicular Fellatio”, Larry has a nagging suspicion that a woman delivered oral sex to her husband while he was driving. When he confronts the woman about it, he receives a typical verbal berating that Larry gets from the opposite sex. Yet even as she denies it happening, Larry insists with a smirk that she did indeed do it. This prompts the attack, and Larry, of course, is helpless against it.

12 “The Customer Is Usually A Moron And An A–hole.”

Anyone who has to work a service industry job knows of the famous expression that “the customer is always right”. This infuriates workers to no end as they have to deal with the worst humanity has to offer. At least they can take comfort in knowing Larry David is in their corner.

While waiting in line for ice cream, Larry realizes that the customer in front of him is abusing the free sample privilege and rightfully gives her a piece of his mind. Later, Cheryl and Loretta disagree with Larry’s take, but he counters with all-time-classic Larry David quote.

11 “I Want My Dollar Back!”

Despite being a multimillionaire and one of the most successful comedians of all time, Larry David is notoriously cheap on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Combine that with an unparalleled ability to spit in the face of social conventions and the result is a hilarious moment between Larry David and children running a lemonade stand.

In a rare moment of inspiration to be a nice person, Larry pays $1 for a glass of lemonade from some kids running a lemonade stand. It’s no surprise that Larry is left unsatisfied with the quality of the drink. Flustered, he demands to know who made it, then demands his dollar back. Even when it comes to children, Larry is ruthless.

10 “Do you respect wood?”

This is the line that comes to mind when most people think of Larry David. He was blamed for a ring stain on Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ coffee table that he didn’t leave there and he became determined to get to the bottom of it and solve the case. This led Jerry Seinfeld to term Larry a “wood detective.”

In every scene for the rest of the episode, he’s examining people’s coffee tables to see if they “respect wood.” If there are ring stains on their coffee table, then they don’t respect wood and they could be the culprit behind the ruining of Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ coffee table.

9 “Milk and coffee! Who’d have thought?”

After tripping Shaquille O’Neal at a Lakers game in season 2’s “Shaq,” Larry realizes he’s truly become a social pariah and can now get away with doing and saying whatever he wants, with no boundaries, because no one could possibly hate him any more.

For him, that’s like a dream come true. He goes into a coffee shop and asks the barista to make him “some vanilla bulls*** thing.” When the barista suggests a latte and tells Larry it’s a mixture of milk and coffee, Larry enthusiastically cries out, “Milk and coffee! Who’d have thought? Oh my God, what a…what a drink!”

8 “Smile.” “Hey, mind your own business. How about that?”

There are a lot of curmudgeonly characters on television, but arguably the grumpiest, saddest, most curmudgeonly of them all is Larry David. A passing well-wisher simply tells him to “smile,” and with it, enjoy the wonders of the world and the thrill of being alive.

Larry simply turns around and says to her, “Hey, mind your own business. How about that?” Nothing needed to be said. Even if he didn’t agree with her, he didn’t have to point it out to her and ruin her day too. It’s not one of the worst things Larry ever did on Curb Your Enthusiasm, but it’s Larry in a nutshell.

7 “It was supposed to say ‘beloved aunt,’ not ‘beloved c—!’”

Most TV shows haven’t found their feet in the first season. It’s awkward to watch a first-season episode of The Office,Seinfeld or It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, because the show hadn’t found its voice yet, the actors hadn’t figured out how to embody their characters, and the writers didn’t know the specific type of humor that worked for the show etc.

But Larry David nailed Curb Your Enthusiasm right out of the gate. “Beloved Aunt” is a season 1 episode, but it’s so layered and classic and adored that it could’ve come from any other season and not felt out of place.

6 “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”

Larry David had always said that if he wasn’t married in real life, then his TV alter ego wouldn’t stay married. If he got divorced, TV Larry got divorced. Well, between season 5 and season 6, real-life Larry did get a divorce from his wife, so midway through season 6, TV Larry broke up with Cheryl.

It was a shame since the two always had such great chemistry, but it did open the show up to explore Larry David on the dating scene as a single man. One of his funniest single-guy lines is: “A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.”

5 “Don’t put that pie down! Do not put that pie down!”

This isn’t a great quote when it’s taken out of context, but in its context, it’s one of the best Larry David quotes in the history of the show. Curb has a great way of escalating little real-life incidents to their natural extreme by not calling “cut.”

Because the cameras keep rolling and the actors keep improvising, Larry David and Ted Danson have the chance to escalate a guy offering another guy a piece of pie into a screaming match. Larry doesn’t want the piece of pie that Ted has bought him and Ted is determined to get him to eat the pie.

4 “Eat lobster! Have some more lobster! It’s good.”

This is Larry David’s analogy for Christianity. He thinks the only problem with Christians is that they’re not just content to worship Christ – they want everyone in the world to worship Christ and dedicate their lives to converting people.

Larry says, “Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ? You know? It’s like, not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It’s like, I eat lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say, ‘You must like lobster! It’s good, it’s good.’ It’s not only where you live. You go to Africa. You travel all over the world. ‘Eat lobster! Have some more lobster! It’s good. We want you to have lobster!’”

3 “Are you my Caucasian?”

Season 3’s “Krazee Eyez Killa” episode set the template for the Larry/Leon relationship that the show would later become known for. The clash of personalities that arises from an old, Jewish, white guy hanging out with a young, streetwise, black man has resulted in comic gold from the pairing of Larry and Leon.

Years before J.B. Smoove’s Leon was introduced, Larry’s one-off friendship with the rapper Krazee Eyez Killa laid the groundwork. When Krazee Eyez did him a solid, Larry decided to flip the slang on him and say, “Are you my Caucasian?” prompting Krazee Eyez to laugh and say, “I’m your f***in’ Caucasian!”

2 “Congratulations on a great attempt at a chat and cut.”

The whole “chat and cut” thing in season 8’s “Vow of Silence” is one of the greatest social inventions in Curb history. It’s one of those unseen things that happens all the time that Larry David has picked up on.

The definition is perfect: “She’s feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line…She’ll be picking up a plate any second.” And when he calls it out is perfect, too: “Congratulations on a great attempt at a chat and cut. Really good. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, that’s gonna work. Unfortunately, I happened to be in the line. So…”

1 “Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay good.”

“Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay good” is Larry David’s catchphrase. It’s the phrase he uses to describe pretty much every encounter he ever has. While it’s not much of a catchphrase in itself, his labored delivery of it is what makes it work. Legend has it that the phrase originated in one of David’s old standup routines about making conversation with your parents as an adult.

They ask, “How are you?” and you say, “Pretty good. Prett-ay, prett-ay, prett-ay good.” Back then, David wouldn’t have known that this is the phrase he’d be best remembered for, but his delivery of it is memorable.

About The Author

Ben Sherlock
(3458 Articles Published)

Ben Sherlock is a writer, comedian, independent filmmaker, and Burt Reynolds enthusiast. He writes lists for Screen Rant and features and reviews for Game Rant. He’s currently in pre-production on his first feature (and has been for a while, because filmmaking is expensive). You can catch him performing standup at odd pubs around the UK that will give him stage time. Previously, he wrote for Taste of Cinema, Comic Book Resources, and BabbleTop.

More From Ben Sherlock