Deadwood: 10 Best E.B. Quotes

Amidst a garrulous cast of characters known for their exuberant verbosity on HBO’s Deadwood, E.B. Farnum, titular mayor and proprietor of the Grand Central Hotel stood out. Like his foppish manner of dress, E.B. used flowery language in an attempt to elevate himself above his station, but his time spent in the “brackish water” always managed to show on his cuffs.

Writer David Milch gave E.B. some of the most nuanced, complex, and clever dialogue in the series, which veteran character actor William Sanderson delivered with aplomb. At once both a caricature of the town fool and the one person capable of showcasing the sincerity of the town beneath its mud-soaked exterior, E.B.’s observant dialogue has since been turned into some of the most quoted by fans.

10 “Loyalty expanded is not loyalty betrayed.”

For E.B. Farnum, loyalty to Al served him well in the camp until empire builders came to town and upstaged Al’s authority and usurped his territory. E.B. knew that to survive he needed to broaden his pool from which to fish for opportunities.

He explained to Richardson that though he was in league with Hearst, it didn’t necessarily mean he’d betrayed Al. However, even he couldn’t believe his own lies when he noted it was for precisely that reason he wasn’t being invited to a meeting of the town powers.

9 “It is no disloyalty to be a realist, Richardson, we are mortal. One hopes for the best. One perseveres. One reevaluates constantly. One is an a**hole if one doesn’t.”

To say that E.B. Farnum was a survivor was an understatement in a town like Deadwood. Like a cockroach, he was there when it began and presumed to be there long after its citizens left. That he knew this, and others didn’t afford him the necessary accolades was a source of constant aggravation.

He did what he needed to do to get by, including switching allegiances if necessary, all the while constantly recognizing and evaluating the temerity of his overlords’ machinations.

8 “Could it be Richardson, that you had a mother, who doted over you, snaggletoothed, as you do now? And you were not egg-hatched as I had previously assumed?”

Eccentric Richardson, the ubiquitous cook at the Grand Central Hotel, suffered a great deal of verbal abuse from the tongue of E.B. Farnum, though whether or not he was able to decipher its meaning, he nevertheless ignored it.

E.B.’s preferred insults often centered around how Richardson got to be so mentally slothful in the first place, but he noted that on the occasion Richardson showed some pantomime of human behavior, he must have had a mother who cared for him the way he demonstrated compassion for others.

7 “Some ancient Italian maxim fits our situation, whose particulars escape me.”

For a man who often used florid language and polysyllabic words to sound as erudite as possible in the company of his betters, E.B. knew that the wrong word choice could reveal his true ineptitude and prevent him from being seen as anything other than an imbecile.

When discussing the fate of Mr. Wolcott, E.B. uttered this oft-quoted line of dialogue, to which Mr. Wolcott replied, “Is the gist that I’m sh*t out of luck?”. E.B. to feign ignorance inquired, “Did they speak that way then?” and seemed to reference the very quandary levied on Deadwood’s dialogue during its run.

6 “Allow me a moment’s silence, Mr Hearst, sir. I’m having a digestive crisis and must focus on suppressing its expression.”

If there was a hierarchy to Deadwood in the shape of one of Mr. Wu’s giant sows, E.B. would seek to find the most prominent teat and suckle from it as long as he could fend off his squirming brethren. Most of the time it was a teat named Al Swearengen, but when George Hearst arrived in town, E.B. went rooting for him.

Interactions with any authority figure made E.B. uncomfortable, and Hearst made him so frightened his intestines wrapped serpentine around one another, giving him no choice but to race to the water closet before he undignified himself any further.

5 “Turn out the maniac Bullock, who set upon the mayor unprovoked, who beat him with merciless protraction…”

“Turn out the maniac Bullock, who set upon the mayor unprovoked, who beat him with merciless protraction. Bullock should be murdered! We should rise up and murder Bullock! Thank you very much.”

E.B.’s attitude towards Sheriff Bullock was always one of unease, because Bullock represented an unshakable pillar of moral righteousness that couldn’t be reasoned with, or more importantly in E.B.’s case, couldn’t be manipulated.

Unfortunately for E.B., Hearst had thought nothing of making unsavory remarks that set Bullock on him like a rabid cur, and E.B. in his anger blamed Bullock when he should have sought reparations from his anger’s instigator.

4 “Al, if you’re not dead and already mouldering, I send news to revive you: a fish to rival the fabled leviathan has swum into our waters…”

“Al, if you’re not dead and already mouldering, I send news to revive you: a fish to rival the fabled leviathan has swum into our waters. Get well soon and we’ll land the c*******er together. Your friend, E.B..”

Determined to remain in Al’s good graces (at least in the second season), E.B. did everything from trying to get Alma Garret to relapse with laudanum and sell her claim to keeping an eye on Trixie’s new involvement with Sol Star at the hardware store.

Eventually newer obstacles present themselves, and E.B. took to scuttling after information surrounding the arrival of Mr. Wolcott at Cy Tolliver’s behest and the imminent presence of George Hearst, whose arrival in Deadwood created quite a stir.

3 “Titans gather!”

Shortly after Seth and Sol’s arrival in Deadwood and establishing themselves as prominent entrepreneurs, they became frequent guests at Al’s table of Deadwood’s power players. There amidst peaches and cinnamon, many of the decisions about the town’s fate came to be levied.

E.B. was permitted to attend mostly because of his honorary mayoral title and status as hotel proprietor, and fortunately for viewers, his simple and elegant phrases could be ingrained for everyday use.

2 “In a camp such as this, one draws one’s menials from a small and brackish pool.”

George Hearst once remarked that E.B. Farnum resembled something that “stepped out of the specimen box”, while Mr. Wolcott described him as a “grotesque”. In E.B.’s defense, his unseemly nature belied an astute observer that knew more about the ways of the town than any one of its citizens, save Al.

E.B. knew that to obtain anything of significance in the town, one had to acquire advantages and leverage from unsightly people in ways that were abhorrent to most. Unfortunately, the resentment that burgeoned from such activities he felt would undoubtedly send him to an early grave.

1 “I yearn to rely on a higher will. I fear what I am capable of in its absence.”

E.B. knew that he was a weak man, dependent on the benefits of those in superior positions and unable to strike out on endeavors with his own conviction. He knew that serving those above him in status would only make him debase himself more because he couldn’t refuse their favors.

Since E.B. could never have an alliance with Al, he could only hope to be part of a hierarchy that included him. The only way he could get back at Al was to join Hearst in his endeavors, until such time as Al, in his pursuit of his realist ideology, stoked E.B.’s ego just enough to assuage his feelings of inefficacy.

About The Author

Kayleena Pierce-Bohen
(1344 Articles Published)

Kayleena has been raised on Star Wars and Indiana Jones from the crib. A film buff, she has a Western collection of 250+ titles and counting that she’s particularly proud of. When she isn’t writing for ScreenRant, CBR, or The Gamer, she’s working on her fiction novel, lifting weights, going to synthwave concerts, or cosplaying. With degrees in anthropology and archaeology, she plans to continue pretending to be Lara Croft as long as she can.

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