Friends: 10 Hilarious Ross One Liners

NBC’s Friends is perhaps one of the most popular TV shows in history. Despite ending way back in 2004, the show remains as well-liked as ever. Friends is still as influential as it was in the 90s, with fans spread across generations throughout the globe. The show launched the cast to fame and made them some of the most respected and influential names in Hollywood.

While Chandler is often known as the quippy one, with a one-liner for every situation, Ross, played by David Schwimmer, also has some pretty funny moments throughout the show. So here are 10 one-liners by Ross that are sure to have audiences in splits.

10 “If She Wants To Go Out There Kissing Guys She Barely Knows, Well Then So Will I! Very Funny. Ross Is Gay. HAHA.”

In the season 9 episode, “The One Where Monica Sings,” Ross goes to Chandler to talk about Rachel. Ross saw Rachel kissing her co-worker, Gavin, and seemed quite distressed. When Chandler asks if Ross is going to talk to Rachel about it, he refuses. He says the least Rachel could have done is tell Ross that they should date other people, then says the above quote.

The line is so ironically funny and, paired with David Schwimmer’s spot-on delivery and expressions, surely made audiences laugh out loud.

9  “You’re Over Me? When Were You… Under Me?”

In the season 2 episode, “The One Where Ross Finds Out”, Ross finds out that Rachel liked him. After a date gone wrong, Rachel sends Ross a drunken message saying she’s over him and then seems to have no recollection that she did so. When Ross tells Rachel she sent him a message, Rachel tries to stop him from hearing the message, but he does so anyway.

Ross is obviously quite confused and says the above quote. David Schwimmer really nailed the line with his confused expression and excellent delivery. Audiences were surely left chuckling.

8 “It Tastes Like Feet!”

In the season 6 episode, “The One Where Ross Got High,” Rachel tries to prove that she is a good cook by making a Thanksgiving trifle, but unfortunately, she mixed two entirely different recipes into one (beef and custard?!) When Ross and Joey discover this, they refrain from telling Rachel, so they can leave early.

When eating the dish, Rachel asks for a bite, but Ross eats it all and sends her away. After she’s out of earshot, Ross gags and says the above line. Joey, hilariously true to his character, liked the dish and ate everybody else’s.

7 “I’m Sorry, It Must Be The Pressure Of Entertaining.”

In the season 10 episode, “The One Where Ross Is Fine,” Ross discovers that Rachel and Joey are a couple and takes the news, well, a little roughly. Throughout the episode, he keeps saying that he’s fine, albeit in a high pitched voice. He invited Rachel and Joey to a double date with his then-girlfriend, Charlie, at his house.

After getting drunk on many, many margaritas, he seems to break down and gets choked up a little. When Rachel asks if he’s okay, he says the above line. Ross is affected by Joey and Rachel, contrary to what he claims. It’s hilarious, even if it is just a little sad.

6 “Ah. Humor Based On My Pain.”

In the season 6 episode, “The One With The Ring,” Chandler gets a ring to propose to Monica. At the end of the episode, when Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are discussing it, Ross remarks that the ring was beautiful, to which Phoebe replies, “Yeah, well, you should know, you bought like a billion of them.” Ross then says the above line.

Ross, also called the Divorce Force (by Ross), has been married and divorced three times throughout the run of the show. While this is a topic everyone in the gang jokes about, it’s nice to see Ross, who earlier used to lash out at this, now being sarcastic and taking it in stride.

5 “I Tell You, When I Die, Some People Are Gonna Get Seriously Haunted.”

In the season 9 episode, “The One With The Memorial Service,” Chandler has some fun with Ross and puts up on their college messenger forum that Ross has sex with dinosaurs. Ross posts that Chandler is gay and, in retaliation, Chandler posts that Ross is dead (killed by a blimp, no less — apparently it kills over one American every year).

Ross, however, takes the opportunity to stage his own memorial service, to see how his collegemates would react to his death. However, no one shows up, making Ross very upset that no one cares about his “death.” He then says the above quote.

4 “Mississipilessly?”

In the season 10 episode, “The One With Ross’s Tan,” Ross visits a tanning parlor to get a spray tan, on Monica’s recommendation. The guy in charge gives him quite clear instructions — get sprayed, count to three, turn around, get sprayed again.

Ross, however, starts counting “one Mississippi..” and only gets to two before being sprayed again. When he tells the worker he only got to two Mississipi, the poor guy looks confused and tells him to only count to three, to which Ross, quite innocently, says the above. Despite having a Ph.D. (as he loves to tell everyone) he’s unable to understand this basic instruction.

3 “I Am This Close To Tugging On My Testicles Again.”

In the season 10 episode, “The One With The Cake,” the gang is celebrating Emma’s first birthday. Ross decides to make a camcorder video to show Emma on her 18th birthday. When his parents arrive, they tell everyone how, on Monica’s first birthday, Ross got jealous and tugged on his testicles to get everyone’s attention.

Later, when the bakery sends Emma’s birthday cake in the shape of a penis, Jack and Judy remark that “the similarity is uncanny.” Quick cut to Ross and he says the above line. The deadpan, blank expression only adds to the hilarity of the entire situation.

2 “WE WERE ON A BREAK!”

Perhaps one of the most famous lines in any sitcom, Ross’s staple line is as hilarious and iconic as ever. It’s a classic love story — boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy gets jealous of Mark, boy and girl break up, boy cheats on girl, boy claims they were on a break. A story as old as time.

Over the years, fans have had many laughs at the multiple times Ross has said this line, although the first time it was spoken in this form was in the season 4 premiere, “The One With The Jellyfish,” after Rachel really digs in the fact that, as her mother claims, “once a cheater, always a cheater.”

1 “Oh, I’ll Prove It! I’ll Prove It Like A Theorem!”

Another iconic line, this one was spoken in the season 8 episode, “The One With The Halloween Party.” After Ross dresses up as ‘spudnik’ (space doodie) for Halloween, Chandler starts teasing him about it, despite wearing a pink bunny costume, himself.

After Monica says Ross could defeat Chandler, Chandler pushes him and says, “You think you’re stronger? Why don’t you prove it?” Ross hilariously tries to balance himself from falling (courtesy of David Schwimmer’s amazing physical humor) and says the above line. It’s extremely funny to see Ross still being an academic, even when trash-talking and threatening to kick someone’s ass.

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