King Of The Hill: Ranking All Of The Main Characters Based On Intelligence

Following the story of the Hill family and their friends throughout the King of the Hill animated series was consistently funny, particularly once the series got rolling. Set in Texas, the series dug its comedy out of the relative normalcy of the series’ setting. That being said, King of the Hill wasn’t afraid to get weird in its own way when the moment called for it.

The main characters of the series exhibited a wide range of levels of intelligence, some of them actually coming across as almost brilliant—crazy and misguided, certainly, but brilliant, nonetheless. Still, the intelligent characters were often the ones who got in the most trouble.

7 Luanne Platter

Without question, Luanne Platter was the nicest person on the entire show, but she didn’t have the easiest life. After her mother was sent to jail for stabbing her father with a fork, her trailer home was repossessed. She moved in with the Hills, taking over Hank’s den and making it her bedroom. At least the Hills were a good influence on her life.

That being said, Luanne wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer—honestly, that doesn’t really do her justice. While she meant well, Luanne was almost impossibly dumb, asking questions so insane that Hank wasn’t even sure how to answer them. She definitely posed more than a few head-scratchers that left the rest of the family reeling.

6 Bill Dauterive

The only person who had a rougher ride than Luanne was Bill Dauterive. In high school, he was a handsome young man with a full head of hair and was a rising star on the football team, but he made the choice to drop out of school and join the Army, where he served as a barber. He went bald, his physical and mental health declined, and he suffered possibly the most epic divorce Arlen had ever seen.

Not all of Bill’s misfortunes were his fault, but a surprising number of them were. He was prone to making exceedingly bad choices that seemed to haunt him throughout his life. The worst part was Bill just keeps making those same bad decisions. Bill did and said an almost endless string of things that even left his close friends’ heads spinning.

5 Bobby Hill

As the only son of Hank and Peggy Hill, Bobby was incredibly important to them. Their many attempts to have kids had ended in failure, mainly due to Hank’s much-maligned and often mentioned narrow urethra. Honestly, it came up almost as often as his love of propane and propane accessories. But Bobby was a welcome surprise to the Hills, one that they did not take for granted.

Bobby was also a constant source of headaches for his parents, mostly Hank. He wasn’t exactly stupid, but he also wasn’t the smartest kid around, either. He was prone to making strange, selfish choices, more so than one would even expect from a child his age.

4 Boomhauer

Much like Bill and Hank, Boomhauer was a high school football star. But, unlike Bill, he didn’t fall into the depths of despair after high school. Instead, he embarked on a life of womanizing comparable to Family Guy‘s Quagmire, though Boomhauer was nowhere near as degenerate. He also apparently became a Texas Ranger, though that wasn’t revealed until the closing moments of the final episode.

It’s honestly hard to say if Boomhauer was intelligent or not, as his mumbling, nonsensical Texas drawl made it impossible to understand what he was saying. That accent would not inherently make him dumb. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. But, without knowing what he’s saying, making that kind of judgment call would have been foolish at best.

3 Hank Hill

The history of Hank Hill is dull, to say the least. The man is the straightest of arrows and has lived life on the straight and narrow. When fans got to see glimpses of his history, it was mostly other people causing a ruckus around him. Hank went from high school football star into the life of a family man selling propane without missing a beat.

Hank wasn’t going to cure cancer or launch a rocket into space, but he was a smart guy in his own right. This was someone loaded with common sense who wasn’t afraid to do the right thing, even if it wasn’t the easiest option. He was also a lot more perceptive than people gave him credit for. Hank was the heart and soul of his circle of friends.

2 Peggy Hill

If there was one lesson that many people on King of the Hill needed to learn the hard way, it was to never underestimate Peggy Hill. It didn’t matter what the scenario was, Peggy was all in. The downside was that she had a lot of trouble admitting that she was wrong, or that she didn’t know something. And asking for help was often off the table for her.

This wasn’t due to a lack of intelligence. Peggy was both bright and smart, but she grew up with a domineering, dismissive mother who impacted her in a very negative way. This left Peggy with a constant need to prove herself, even though no one in her life was asking her to. In truth, she was one of the smartest people on the show.

1 Dale Gribble

If there was ever a prototype for a delusional, paranoid individual who was obsessed with conspiracy theories, it would be Dale Gribble. In his mind, the world was a series of lies wrapped in half-truths wrapped in even more lies. The irony of the situation was that he never seemed to pick up on the fact that his son wasn’t his despite Joseph obviously looking like John Redcorn and not himself.

Ignoring his inability to see the obvious and his belief in insane conspiracy theories, Dale was still incredibly smart and highly perceptive. His intelligence was never called into question, though what he did with it was. Had he been able to move beyond the unproven conspiracies he saw in the world, he might have been able to do a lot of good for it.