King Of The Kill: 10 Most Hilarious Hank Hill Quotes

In 1997, we were introduced to Peggy, Bobby, and Hank, the main characters of King of the Hill. The show focused on the adventures of a normal family living in an average little town. Mowing lawns, drinking beer, barbecuing, and rooting for the local sports team are just a few of the typical, even mundane pastimes that the Hills and their neighbors enjoy.

Beneath this normal veneer, however, was a dark and hilarious comic undercurrent that wasn’t afraid to tackle serious issues with families, education, and community. Hank Hill, the main character of the show, summed up a few of these issues with his own hilarious views. Here are ten Hank Hill quotes that just killed us.

10 “There Better Be A Naked Cheerleader Under Your Bed!”

The whole issue of being “macho” is revisited often in the show in some interesting ways. The image of a rough and tumble cowboy, with leathered skin and little to say, is ingrained in Texan culture. Any hint of effeminate behavior in boys is deeply frowned upon.

In this episode, “Goodbye Normal Jeans,” Bobby decides to take a Home Economics class, and of course, Hank panics. When he sees Bobby cleaning a cheerleader’s uniform, this is his reaction.

9 “Can’t You See You’re Not Making Christianity Any Better…”

Religion—in particular, Christianity—has a domineering presence in Texas, but that doesn’t mean that Hank doesn’t have his own opinion on the matter. Hank initially encourages Bobby to join the group but changes his mind when he finds out it’s using fads from pop culture to lure in bored or unsuspecting kids.

When expressing his contempt for the group in “Reborn To Be Wild,” he tries to explain that spiritual belief isn’t just stylish trend with this funny quote: “Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity any better, you’re just making rock & roll worse?”

8 “So, Are You Chinese Or Japanese?”

The first time he says it in “Westie Side Story,” Khan first explains that he’s lived in California for most of his life before telling Hank that his country of birth is Laos. Even after Khan tells him about Laos, such as where it is in Asia and how many people live there, Hank repeats the same question again.

It’s not just an issue of race in this particular case but a lack of knowledge of world geography that Americans seem to have a reputation for.

7 “An ‘F’ In English? Bobby, You Speak English!”

There are two types of English classes: Literature and English as a Second Language (ESL). When Bobby fails his English class in “Old Glory,” which is most likely the former and not the latter, this is Hank’s hilarious reaction.

He has no understanding of how Bobby can have problems in English class. It’s a play on a pun and another indication that nuance isn’t exactly Hank’s strong suit. Then again, that’s why we love him.

6 “Why Would Anyone Smoke Weed When They Could Just Mow A Lawn?”

We know how much the average American suburbanite loves his lawn. Hank takes that adoration to a whole other level, as this quote from “Yard, She Blows!” indicates.

In this episode, Hank has to share his love of the lawn with his wife Peggy, who is determined to start a garden. At first, Hank agrees, although reluctantly, as the lawn is his space. Once Peggy adds a corny garden gnome to the landscaping, however, the tensions really start to flare.

5 “I Look Like I’m Doped Out Of My Gourd!”

Hank actually tried grass once. Not the lawn, the wacky kind. And this is how he summed up his feelings on the subject in “Clearly an Inferior Tobacco.”

It actually happened by accident when he was trying to light a conventional cigarette using a lit joint. Whether or not he even inhaled anything is up for debate, but his reaction following is priceless, as the next few hours are more a product of his paranoia than anything the pot could have done.

4 “I Wasn’t Flirting With Her. I Didn’t Even Mention That I Work In Propane!”

Hank mounts this as a defense after being accused of flirting with a female cop in “Lupe’s Revenge.” In another nod to the funny and twisted ideas of machismo that permeate the culture of rural and suburban Texas, Hank connects his job as a propane salesman to his masculinity.

This is another situation where Hank doesn’t really understand what happens until it’s too late, and the more he tries to remedy the situation, the worse it seems to get.

3 “6AM, & Already The Boy Ain’t Right!”

When Hank wakes up early in the morning to find Bobby smelling laundry in “Texas City Twister,” this is his reaction. And this is literally only the beginning, but it’s an interesting bit of foreshadowing. We find out there is someone in this episode who “ain’t right,” but it’s not Bobby.

Hank then finds out that Luanne’s laundry, including her underthings, got mixed up with his. This pushes the conservative Hank over the edge, and when he goes too far, a tornado in a trailer park teaches him a valuable life lesson.

2 “Soccer Was Invented By European Ladies…”

This quote reminds us of the “Are you Chinese or Japanese?” quote in the sense that it’s another loving poke at the American lack of cultural knowledge when it comes to other countries: “Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”

It’s also a reference to how the view of soccer, or as the Europeans call it, football, differs depending on which side of the pond you’re on. This whole episode, “Three Coaches and a Bobby,” is an interesting adventure that springs from the general insanity that permeates the world of sports and their sometimes rabid fans.

1 “Dallas? I Don’t Want You Going To Dallas At All!”

Big cities have a bad reputation for crime and debauchery, especially if you’re living in the suburbs or a small town fairly close to one. Dallas is one of those big cities, plus it has a notoriously unethical football team. Few other names in sports are more universally hated than the Dallas Cowboys, even in their own native Texas.

Hank tries to discourage Peggy from going to Dallas for a Boggle championship in “Peggy the Boggle Champ”: “Dallas? I don’t want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crack heads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.” It’s a sweet reminder of how he tries to protect her, even if it’s for the wrong reasons. He changes his mind very quickly about Dallas when he finds out the Mower Expo is happening in the city on the same weekend.

About The Author

Kristy Ambrose
(159 Articles Published)

Kristy Ambrose has been writing professionally since 2010. She dabbles in various genres, including everything from short blog posts to serialized novels. Her inspiration comes from gamers, beachcombers, foodies and of course her fellow travelers. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the University of Victoria.

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