National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: Ellen’s 10 Funniest Quotes, Ranked

There are few holiday films more renowned or iconic than National Lampoon‘s Chrismas Vacation. This ’89 classic brings laughter with its trademarked Lampoon goofiness and wacky antics as Clark feebly tries to host a family Christmas. The film manages to be absurd and zany while providing some endearing and relatable family moments.

Christmas Vacation‘s memorable nature can also be traced to its colorful cast, especially when it comes to the quirky and inept father figure, Clark. However, Clark’s wife, Ellen, also serves as a likable character – one who’s rather underrated when it comes to her subtle, sarcastic brand of humor. While the goofier Clark and Eddie tend to hog the spotlight when it comes to some of the film’s funniest, most quotable lines, Ellen has more than her share of humorous zingers, too.

10 “We Have Plenty Of Room. Plenty Of Towels. Plenty Of Everything!”

Part of Ellen’s charm is her witty, subtle sarcasm often conveyed with a peeved tone and expression – while acting friendly on the surface. Much of this comes out when dealing with the eccentric cousins, Eddie and Catherine, who tend to get under her skin.

One of these classic Ellen moments comes shortly after the arrival of these two uninvited guests. Their surprise appearance prompts this over-the-top friendly line from Ellen. She’s clearly trying to ponder the logistics of accommodating several more people living in her home for days.

9 “Clark … Audrey’s Frozen From The Waist Down.”

Ellen has a number of moments in the Vacation series where she seemingly has to point out the well-being of Audrey (or lack thereof) to Clark. After all, he does often prove to be oblivious when it comes to his daughter. This is established in the first film, where he apparently struggles to even recall her name at one point.

This running gag is reestablished early in Christmas Vacation, which shows the Griswolds trekking through the frozen wilderness to chop down their own tree. Even as Audrey mentions her numbing legs and toes multiple times, and Ellen speaks this amusing line, Clark presses on without a care. Apparently, this is “all part of the experience.”

8 “Yeah … And About My Mother Accusing Your Mother Of Buying Cheap Hot Dogs. And Your Mother Accusing My Mother Of Waxing Her Upper Lip.”

The night before their parents are to arrive at the house, Clark and Ellen are in bed discussing the merits of a family Christmas. Ellen is having doubts, and raising concerns about the inevitable headaches that their quirky, bickering family will bring.

The unshakably-positive, wholesome Clark reminds her that Christmas is about resolving and transcending these differences. But the witty Ellen takes a more practical, specific approach, going into the amusing details of the squabbles between their mothers. It’s one of those classic “sitcom-y” moments that make Christmas Vacation stand out as both funny and endearing.

7 “Could You Just Keep It In Mind The Next Time You Go Berserk?”

It’s no surprise that Ellen knows her husband well – especially after bearing witness to his tantrums and eccentricities of past vacations. After Clark concludes his iconic rant towards his family – prompted by his missing bonus – Ellen rightfully calls him out.

But unlike the original Vacation, which shows a more angered, taken aback reaction, this time she doesn’t seem surprised at all as she reminds him that this event was his idea. Her emotionless, “fatter-of-fact” tone of voice when speaking this quote seems to convey this. Somehow, this more routine reaction manages to be even funnier.

6 “Catherine Says He’s Been Holding Out For A Management Position.”

Eddie is something of a “black sheep” of the Griswold family, with a goofiness and incompetence that manages to make Clark look sophisticated. It’s alluded to multiple times that the man struggles just to support his family and keep his finances in order.

This character flaw is reestablished by way of this subtly-funny quote from Ellen, who again exudes a tinge of sarcasm or disbelief when speaking it. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t put much stock in the statement regarding Eddie’s vague job prospects from her cousin. The “yeah right” expression on her face here really sells it.

5 “Welcome To Our Home – What’s Left Of It.”

Given the tough luck that the Griswolds – and particularly Clark – tend to have, it’s probably no surprise that their house is a disaster area by the final act of Christmas Vacation. The police get a firsthand look at this, after being called to retrieve a kidnapped business executive and arrest the culprits.

Following the chaos and fallout, Ellen welcomes them to “what’s left of” their home – a statement that’s made all the funnier by actually being pretty close to the truth.

4 “I’m Sorry, This Is Our Family’s First Kidnapping.”

Taking after his brother-in-law’s actions from the first Vacation, Eddie decides to hold a man against his will for the promise of a payoff. This time, however, it isn’t the company head of Wally World, but Clark’s own boss, Frank Shirley. As expected, this kidnapping draws inevitable heat from the authorities, who soon barge into their house. But this criminal act doesn’t stop Ellen from maintaining her friendly ways as she “apologizes” to the police for her family’s misdeeds.

The downplaying of the severity makes this pretty funny – along with the fact that actually, it’s not really true. Just ask Russ Lasky, the victim of Clark’s unhinged tantrum in the first Vacation. 

3 “I Don’t Want To Spend The Holidays Dead!”

A defining trait of Ellen is her knack for hitting Clark with some tough truths through colorful, blunt language. This gem from the opening act marks one of her best moments in this regard.

Clark being Clark – he gets in a grudge match with another driver that falls somewhere in between a scuffle and a street race. Even before he winds up drifting underneath a truck, he puts his family in a rather dangerous spot by provoking, tailing, and speeding past the driver. Cue this memorable – and almost prophetic – quote from his aggravated wife.

2 “Hallowed Be Thy Name. And Forgive My Husband, He Knows Not What He Does.”

Clark manages to outdo himself after his petty scuffle with another driver by coasting right under a truck and nearly getting crushed by it. At this point, snarky remarks and quips from Ellen give way to an amusing prayer and a plea to forgive her clearly inept husband.

This is topped off by a frantic “amen!” from Clark himself. Apparently, this desperate appeal to the heavens seems to work, as he ends up swerving out from captivity under the large vehicle.

1 “Well, I Don’t Know What To Say Except It’s Christmas And We’re All In Misery.”

Great comedies typically have at least a few lines that transcend the films themselves and become heavily quoted by fans, sometimes even reaching meme status.

This quote – said to Audrey regarding her dissatisfaction with the family – fits the bill when it comes to Ellen’s zingers. It’s a delightful, relatable line, which has even found itself on t-shirts and Christmas sweaters.

About The Author

Stephen Lagioia
(250 Articles Published)

Stephen is an avid Nintendo, Indie, and retro gamer who dabbles in Xbox on occasion, mainly in the form of binge sessions of Overwatch. He’s a history buff, an aspiring writer of short fiction, and a devout metalhead who enjoys poorly drumming along to Black Sabbath on his cheap drum set. When his beloved Chicago Cubs or Bulls are not playing, he typically likes to watch random documentaries or campy horror films.

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