Netflix’s You: 15 Most Thought-Provoking Quotes About Love And Life

Netflix’s You is a clever, heavy drama teeming with paranoia, obsession, stalking, and gruesome murder. The show, a television adaptation of Caroline Kepnes’ thriller novel, tanked upon its premiere on Lifetime in September 2018 but gained surprising traction when Netflix acquired the rights barely four months later.

Audiences were captivated by the bookstore manager turned anti-hero Joe Goldberg, played by Gossip Girl’s Penn Badgley, and Netflix renewed the series for a third season, now branding it as one of their patented “Originals”. The show’s captivating brilliance comes from its haunting insight into love and life.

Updated on December 30th, 2020 by Svetlana Sterlin: It’s time to take another look at what has made the first two seasons of Netflix’s hit show You so binge-able for its die-hard fans. Even though the series is a thriller, what makes the story stand out from many others is its insightful narration. Narration is often hit-or-miss, but You gets it just right. Here are five more memorable quotes about love and life from the Netflix series that have made fans stop and think about the characters and the themes presented in the show.

15 “If He Loves You, That’s The Most Dangerous Thing.”

Joe is a dangerously obsessive man who insists that he loves every girl he fixates on. But one of his survivors, Candace, knows from experience that he can’t be trusted. She tries to warn people about him and report him to the authorities, but eventually, she realizes she’ll have to take things into her own hands.

The interesting thing about Joe’s character is that he actually seems like a good person – until he begins to love. As Candace points out, he’s not dangerous until he’s in love. At this point, he’ll stop at no length to prove how deep his love is.

14 “I Love You, Beck, And Loving Someone Means You’ll Do Anything For Them.”

Everyone has different ideas about what love is. Joe believes that loving someone means he has to devote himself completely. He believes that he has to prove himself, that he must sacrifice any number of things to earn someone else’s affection.

But someone else, someone like Beck, might simply appreciate him for his personality. She feels a connection with him because their interests, intellects, and personality traits seem to be compatible, but for Joe, this isn’t enough. He thinks that the other person belongs to him, that he must fix all of Beck’s problems before their relationship can be perfect.

13 “The First Step To Fixing Something Is To Know No Matter How Destroyed It Seems, It Can Always Be Saved.”

This is just one example of Joe’s flawed way of thinking that reveals why he behaves the way he does. This is probably a lesson he picked up from Mooney as a child. This rule may apply to old books, but it certainly doesn’t apply to people.

For one thing, it isn’t Joe’s responsibility to fix someone else. He should focus on himself, but he’s obsessed with treating women like old books. A person can’t be “fixed” by anyone but themselves.

12 “If I Wasn’t So Blinded By Love, I Would Have Seen The Secrets Right In Front Of Me Waiting To Be Uncovered.”

In season 2, Joe gets a taste of his own medicine when Love deceives him. In the first season, it’s Beck who is blinded by love and refuses to heed Peach’s warnings about Joe.

Though Joe seems to be self-aware in this way, he never actually learns his lessons. In fact, by the end of season 2, it seems that he’s about to fall right back into his own trap, as hinted by his instant infatuation with his new neighbor.

11 “Sometimes, We Do Bad Things For The People We Love. It Doesn’t Mean It’s Right; It Means Love Is More Important.”

Once again, Joe showcases his self-awareness, but it doesn’t seem that the meaning of his words actually hits home. He knows that what he’s doing isn’t necessarily good or right, but he doesn’t care – which is what makes him so terrifying.

Sometimes, he convinces himself that he’s doing the right thing, but other times, he knows he’s doing something bad, but believes it’ll be worth it in the end because he’s doing it for love. Making excuses like this is extremely dangerous because people could get hurt, as they do in You.

10 “At The End Of The Day, People Really Are Just Disappointing.”

This observation may be the only opinion of substance that Guinevere Beck expresses. With a personality as dry as day-old toast, it’s remarkable this line is the first glimpse into her perspective on life. She says this during her first conversation with Joe between the shelves of Mooney’s as they observe an embarrassed customer searching for a “respectable read.” Beck looks down on the man with pity, but she’s not surprised by his unwillingness to “own his s**t.”

Ironically, it’s Beck who makes this observation while Joe consistently hopes she will do the “right” thing, and time after time she disappoints him. People reveal often themselves through actions, and even our most genuine efforts can’t change the inevitability that they won’t change.

9 “I Had No Idea That The Cage I Was Building All This Time Was A Trap For Me.”

Joe spends a lot of time luring his prey into a trap: the glass, soundproof cage. He orchestrates elaborate schemes and goes to great lengths to tie up loose ends. However, he makes one gigantic oversight: he is so focused on controlling the world around him that he doesn’t realize he’s trapping himself. The desires he desperately tries to fulfill are abandoned when he realizes he’s the one who can’t escape.

Of course, it’s in this same inner monologue that Joe discovers he’s found himself where he was always destined to be. It would be all too satisfying if Joe actually learned the lesson this line intends to teach, that everyone is the architect of their own destiny. The more one fights fate and attempts to control the world, the more one is confined to a self-made prison.

8 “I’ve Always Had A Complicated Relationship With My Own Existence.”

Though this quote is from a note written by Joe from the perceptive of the supposedly suicidal Peach, it’s insightful and emblematic of her battle. When viewers first meet Peach, she’s polished and calculated, but her shiny exterior reveals paranoid jealousy; she flashes annoyed looks across the table as Beck talks about her latest Tinder conquest.

Peach is threatened by Beck’s blatant heterosexuality, even though she’s well aware her best friend prefers men. Even though she remarks more than once, “I really don’t know what’s going on with you,” Peach is more confused about her own sexuality than what’s going on with Beck.

7 “The Real Tragedy Would Be Not Appreciating What You Have.”

Ironically, it’s Joe who says this as he spends the entire show not appreciating Beck for who she is. He constantly rejects her personality and choices; he’s convinced she can be better, and he’s the person to help her realize her full potential. There are many people in relationships who believe they can fix the other person instead of accepting them. However, the constant pursuit of “better” can lead to perpetual dissatisfaction.

The takeaway lesson from Joe’s words is learning to be grateful for relationships. People are broken and messy and fit into more than one category. Perhaps love shouldn’t be about appreciating people in spite of their flaws, but because of them.

6 “Sometimes, We Do Bad Things For The People We Love.”

Should a loved one be allowed to get away with murder? Joe will do absolutely anything for the people he loves, including lying, kidnapping, theft, torture, and murder.

He rationalizes his actions by telling himself that love justifies everything, the good and the bad. Although most people don’t kill for love, Joe’s line makes viewers consider how far they’d go to protect their loved ones.

5 “If We Don’t Have Trust, We Have Nothing.”

Beck isn’t always honest, but she’s got her priorities in line when she puts her foot down with Joe when he looks through her phone. Trust is one of the most important components of a relationship, and easily the most fragile.

Joe never trusts Beck, indicative of his overarching trust issues. His distrust manifests into paranoid obsession, stalking, and gross violations of privacy.

4 “My Whole Life I’ve Been Doing What It Takes When I Love Someone.”

Love Quinn is a deeply tormented soul wrapped in a cute, bohemian-style disguise. She’s seen some stuff, from her brother being molested by an older woman to her own fiancé succumbing to a terminal illness. Love is jaded and bitter, but unlike Joe, she is hyper-aware of her behavior and the consequences of her actions. Love believes she does what it takes to survive.

She wholeheartedly believes that love is sacrifice, and she doesn’t hesitate to act for the people she loves. She’s like Joe; she believes it’s her duty to protect her loved ones, but her criminal behavior begs the question, how far should one go?

3 “At The End Of The Day, Only You Know Who You Really Are.”

Praise be the abduction-turned-imprisonment-turned-friendship that is Joe and Will Bettelheim’s relationship. Will is a survivor, the only one who has survived the cage. He coaches Joe through tough situations and helps wrestle his demons. Ultimately, Will’s calm demeanor and rational problem-solving skills lead to his survival. He’s either a genius or maybe just as screwed up as Joe, but either way, he’s the one person who cuts Joe a break.

Will’s comment is impactful enough that it lingers with viewers long after watching the show. At the end of the day, the only person in the mirror is one’s own reflection. Only when alone does one reveal one’s true intentions.

2 “They Don’t Write Books About Women Like Me. No One Would Think To.”

Claudia is a character with limited screentime, but her few lines of dialog ring true. She suffers from drug addiction and a toxic, and physically and verbally abusive relationship. She’s also a single mother working a low-paying yet demanding job.

She’s right; stories like hers don’t get told as much as they should – whether it’s women of color, women who are abused, or women who suffer from substance addiction. The list of womxn who aren’t represented in the media goes on.

1 “You Don’t Understand. I Would Never Hurt Someone I Love.”

Joe doesn’t like hurting people, but under certain circumstances, he convinces himself he must inflict pain on the ones he loves to protect them. He’s not the typical Ted Bundy psychopath killer who takes pleasure in harming others. However, he’ll do what’s necessary to get the job done.

Joe is at constant war with himself. He is coherent enough to understand that hurting, kidnapping, and murdering people is not right, but he convinces himself there’s no other way. Joe’s inner struggle is something that’s experienced by many people, but perhaps not to the murderous extreme. Many people cling so tightly to who they love that they end up pushing them away, or worse.

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