Read No Way Home’s Full Daily Bugle Exposé on Spider-Man’s Identity

The full text from J. Jonah Jameson’s exposé that plays a critical role in Spider-Man: No Way Home has arrived. Spider-Man: No Way Home is the third film in Jon Watt’s trilogy of solo Spider-Man films starring Tom Holland and the 27th entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The film, which stars returning Spider-Man actors Marisa Tomei, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon and also features Benedict Cumberbatch’s Doctor Strange, is swinging into theaters on December 17, 2021. Tickets are available now, and Spider-Man fans have sent pre-sale numbers skyrocketing to even greater heights than Avengers: Endgame.

At the end of the previous film, Spider-Man: Far From Home, Peter Parker’s world was rocked by J. Jonah Jameson revealing his secret identity to the world. The gruff newspaperman was played by J.K. Simmons in Sam Raimi’s original Spider-Man trilogy which began in 2002. Although Simmons returns to play the character in the new films, it’s a slightly different version that is more inspired by the current conspiracy-mongering news bloggers of the internet era.

This week in New York City, pop-up Daily Bugle newsstands were handing out copies of the in-universe newspaper run by J. Jonah Jameson. Comicbook.com shared a full transcript of the special issue’s all-important exposé that reveals Spider-Man’s secret identity. The colorful passage bemoans the fact that Spider-Man “dangled with impunity above our city streets – without a permit, might I add,” before revealing that his true identity is “Peter Parker. Just a boy.” The article condemns the boy taking the law into his own hands, pointing to the death of Quentin Beck, AKA Mysterio, the character played by Jake Gyllenhaal in Far From Home. Check out the full text of the article below:

Maniac. Menace. Mystery? No more! That’s right, true Buglers! Ever since the masked marauder masquerading as Spider-Man dangled with impunity above our city streets – without a permit, might I add – and took the law into his own web-covered hands, yours truly worked tirelessly to de-mask the myth and reveal the truth. And now we have. Peter Parker. Just a boy.

And now that the coward has been unmasked, will he do his civic duty and answer for his egregious crimes? Will he use his great power to join the police force? The fire department? Fat chance! Will Peter Parker take responsibility for the vandalism and destruction of property those powers have left smoking in his wake? Ha! Don’t make me laugh!

Parker wore a mask because he refuses to answer for his actions. He kept his identity hidden because he views himself as above the law. But if the Constitution doesn’t allow citizens to vote until they’ve reached the age of 18, why would we continue to let a child decide who is saved and who is guilty?

We know he’s made mistakes before. Just ask Quentin Beck. Oh, wait, you can’t! ‘Cause Spidey killed him! So if you don’t want to be next, dear reader, join me in this call to the unmasked red-tight-wearing monster:

Peter Parker, we are the public, and we will be YOUR judge and YOUR jury. Call the tip line, folks. Let Parker know you’re watching.

J. Jonah Jameson, Editor in Chief

J. Jonah Jameson isn’t the only character from a previous Spider-Man universe who will be returning in No Way Home. The plot of the film follows Peter asking Doctor Strange to attempt a spell reversing the exposure of his identity, which then goes horribly wrong and sends the multiverse colliding into itself. This will force him to face off against previous Spider-Man villains including Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin, Alfred Molina’s Doc Ock, and Thomas Haden Church’s Sandman from the Sam Raimi trilogy with Rhys Ifans’ Lizard and Jamie Foxx’s Electro from Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man movies.

While the Daily Bugle issue is certainly a fun collectible for New York-based fans, it’s also one of the most important factors in the plot of the film. Spider-Man: No Way Home wouldn’t exist in its current form without J. Jonah Jameson. Considering that its current form is one of the most ambitious crossover events Marvel has ever attempted, fans should be very thankful for Jameson’s feverish ramblings.

Source: Comicbook.com

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