RoboCop: The 15 Funniest Quotes From The 1987 Film

In many ways, RoboCop is director Paul Verhoeven’s quintessential sci-fi masterpiece. It took a straightforward sci-fi film and turned it into a smart, witty piece of filmmaking that blended social satire with buckets of ultra-violence and comedic one-liners. It’s those hilarious quotes that continue to live on and maintain the film’s satirical notoriety.

RoboCop is silly by definition and doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s still fun to watch, if for no other reason than to laugh at a collection of hilarious quotes from its cast of characters. It helps sell the notion that nobody should take the film too seriously, and instead sit back and enjoy the laughs, the gore, and the cultural references of the time.

Updated on July 29th, 2021 by Derek Draven: RoboCop still delivers a ton of laughs to this day, as well as bucketloads of violence and gore. With such a cunning and wicked script, there’s no shortage of hilarious quotes to pull from and highlight. With news of RoboCop: Rogue City being announced as an FPS video game with an all-new story, the future looks bright for fans of the series. Until that game is released, there’s plenty of reason to go back and enjoy the original movies that inspired everything to follow, even the critically divisive 2014 remake.

15 “Somebody Wanna’ Call A Goddamn Paramedic?”

Scheming corporate bad guy Dick Jones had a real problem with delivering a great product. He was far more concerned with marketing a dud than delivering a winner. Nowhere was this more apparent than when he debuted the ED-209, one of cinema’s scariest and most dangerous cinematic robots. Its monstrous, intimidating size was enough to frighten any criminal, but it masked a series of design flaws that would never have flown in the real world.

The first example of this occurred when Jones initiated a demonstration to prove ED-209’s capabilities. Unfortunately, a software problem prevented it from distinguishing between civilian and criminal, and it opened fire on a hapless corporate suit, turning him into red paste. Standing over his decimated corpse, someone yelled out this hilarious quote in the mistaken belief that it would have mattered.

14 “You Call This A GLITCH?”

The 1980s was a weird moment in corporate America. The pendulum had swung from the creation of top-notch American goods to cost-cutting measures that hampered their quality. After ED-209 pummeled an innocent board executive to death with high-powered rounds, Dick Jones went to the Old Man and assured him that it was “just a glitch.”

Unsurprisingly, the Old Man didn’t share the same sentiment. It’s a macabre and satirical method of criticizing the attitudes of many business people who fall into the trap of corporatism, which was a major problem during that decade.

13 “I’d Buy That For A Dollar!”

Nobody really knows why this particular quote is so funny, yet it still gets a lot of laughs, both from the characters, and the audience. The characters seem to find it a humorous quip as if it’s part of the popular culture of the world in which the film takes place. The audience probably finds it preposterous and corny and laughs along for a different reason.

Whatever it is, the quote seems to resonate as deeply iconic with the RoboCop franchise. The fact that it’s uttered several times throughout the film by the sleaziest guy imaginable is just for extra effect. It’s another clever way that Verhoeven makes fun of the culture of the time period.

12 [Lt. Hedgecock] “What Kind Of Car Do You Want? [Miller] “Something With Reclining Leather Seats That Goes Really Fast And Gets Really S***** Gas Mileage!”

Nothing in RoboCop should be taken particularly seriously, including scenes depicting hostage situations. Verhoeven injects satire into each frame and backs it up with a witty, sarcastic script. This line occurs when an average guy named Miller blows his gasket and takes a bunch of hostages.

As the police try to keep Miller distracted while RoboCop infiltrates the building, he starts yelling out demands. One of them is for the 6000 SUX, a fictional gas-gorging muscle car from the film that epitomizes all the gross excesses of the 1980s, right down to high polluting vehicles.

11 “I’m What You Call A Repeat Offender! I Repeat, I Will Offend Again!”

Sometimes, criminals take legal terms too literally, as evidenced by this quote from the film. It occurs right before the first big reveal of RoboCop at the police precinct when Sergeant Reed is dealing with a guy brought in for public intoxication. While the police go through his file, he starts getting belligerent in the funniest way possible.

Instead of cursing out the Sergeant and acting violent, he slurs his way through this quote, which is a bizarre take on the concept of a repeat offender. There’s a certain charm to his honesty, however, and it’s enough to make the audience laugh in the wake of Murphy’s brutal slaying.

10 “Tastes Like Baby Food!”

RoboCop might be one of the best cyborgs in cinematic history, but he’s still dependent on a cocktail of vitamins and nutrients to sustain his organic parts, which is where the quirky “baby food” scene comes into play. After OCP sets up a station for RoboCop in the police precinct, they begin prepping him for his role as the new cleanup officer in Detroit.

The scientists in charge of the project describe his digestive system, and the paste used to supplement his needs. Johnson grabs a cup of the disgusting-looking stuff and tries it out, remarking to Bob Morton that it tastes like baby food. Repulsed, Morton pats him on the chest and replies “Knock yourself out!”

9 “You Probably Don’t Think I’m A Very Nice Guy, Do Ya?”

Clarence Boddicker remains one of the evilest and most unpleasant villains ever to have graced the silver screen, thanks to a stellar performance by Kurtwood Smith. The character is devoid of merit and redemption, making him a frightening nemesis not just for RoboCop, but the audience as well.

Boddicker was not, in fact, a nice guy. On the contrary, there was no line he wouldn’t cross; no crime too extreme enough to raise his heart rate even by a single point. His cruelty is encapsulated with perfection, thanks to this quote which he utters right before murdering Alex Murphy.

8 “That’s It, Buster! No More Military Aid!”

Paul Verhoeven didn’t just poke fun at American corporatism in the 1980s, but the world’s obsession with nuclear war at the time, as well. As the 1980s drew to a close, the Cold War began slipping into irrelevancy, but the threat of a nuclear exchange was deemed plausible. At the same time, an incredible sense of optimism and joy had seeped into everything from music to big-screen Hollywood movies, which proved to be a confusing juxtaposition.

During the 1980s, board games were viewed as a great way for the family to get together and bond. Monopoly and Risk were still very popular, but Verhoeven added another fictional game to the mix in the form of Nukem. This game encouraged players to “get them before they get you,” which was a mentality circulating the globe at the time.

7 “I Had A Guaranteed Military Sale With ED-209! Renovation Program! Spare Parts For 25 Years! Who Cares If It Worked Or Not?”

Director Paul Verhoeven is a master filmmaker with a slew of incredible moves to his credit, and he routinely uses satire as a substitute for in-the-face political browbeating. This is demonstrated when Dick Jones attacks Bob Morton for capitalizing on his ED-209 failure. Really, it was Dick’s own fault for pushing a corporate con job.

When Morton one-upped Jones with the RoboCop initiative, it sent him into a fit of anger and jealousy. After all, Jones was number two at OCP, and he didn’t take kindly to Morton’s ascendency. This hilarious quote is an example of how simultaneously clever, and short-sighted Dick Jones really was.

6 “Excuse Me, I Have To Go. Somewhere There Is A Crime Happening.”

This is one of the most sterile quotes of the entire film, and also one of the funniest. It might be a clever jab at the “work comes first” attitude of 1980s corporate America, or it may simply be so dry and full of raw conviction that it comes off as unintentionally funny. Whatever the case, it works.

RoboCop is so enveloped in his work as a police officer that he doesn’t know what to do with himself in whatever counts for his spare time. If he’s not replenishing his energy purely by necessity, he’s out on the streets ventilating bad guys as easily as a secretary fetches coffee.

5 “It’s Back. Big Is Back, Because Bigger Is Better! 6000 SUX – An American Tradition!”

Consumerist societies have always been interested in big products. Throughout the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, big cars were a sign of prestige and dominance on the road, and this was reflected on film with a bevy of amazing cars that have gone down in cinematic history.

Verhoeven poked a bit of fun at this by juxtaposing the population’s love of big V8 gas-guzzlers with the declining quality of the American automobile. The 6000 SUX moniker isn’t exactly subtle, but it’s worth a good knee-slap all the same.

4 “Come Quietly, Or There Will Be…Trouble!”

RoboCop fans love the film for the social satire and one-liners, and each actor brought something special to the table. Peter Weller knocked the role of RoboCop out of the park with a robotic, yet human performance that felt totally natural, given the circumstances of his death and rebirth.

This quote is one of the funniest and most often imitated by fans. It showcases the preprogrammed mentality of RoboCop, mixed with the humanity of Alex Murphy, making it a one-liner for audiences to root for.

3 “They’ll Fix You. They Fix Everything.”

By the time the film reaches the climax of its third act, the titular character goes from human to cyborg, and something closer to human all over again. The final battle with Boddicker and his men in the abandoned industrial factory is a chance for RoboCop to take off his visor, show his face, and become Alex Murphy all over again.

After stabbing Boddicker through the neck with his data spike, RoboCop and an injured Lewis call out for each other. The latter cries out “Murphy, I’m a mess!” Murphy replies with this funny quote that feels both ironic, and sarcastic given OCP’s immoral actions that came before.

2 “You Are Illegally Parked On Private Property! You Have Twenty Seconds To Move Your Vehicle!”

OCP took the concept of urban pacification a little too far when it green-lit the production of the ED-209. This lumbering beast had little in the way of foresight when it came to dishing out punishment for perceived crimes. It was, in essence, one gigantic tool of oppression to scare residents into submission.

As such, it wasn’t entirely surprising that it readied its weapons systems to fire when RoboCop rolled up on OCP’s front door with his car. Threatening to open fire on someone for illegally parking a vehicle is so over-the-top hilarious, even Judge Dredd and Dirty Harry would have blinked.

1 “Dick, You’re FIRED!”

RoboCop’s hidden fourth directive meant that he could not act against any member of OCP, even if it meant upholding the law. This was a failsafe designed by Dick Jones to prevent the cyborg from acting against the interests of the company. This wasn’t surprising, since OCP’s lucrative city contracts essentially meant that they owned the police.

When RoboCop brought video evidence of Dick Jones’ murder confession to the OCP board, he retaliated by taking the Old Man hostage. RoboCop revealed that directive four prevented him from acting against Jones, which prompted the Old Man to holler out this funny line, effectively ending Jones’ employment…and his life.

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