Scrubs: Dr. Cox’s 10 Best Insults

There are some characters you look at wonder why the heck the actor never got an Emmy for portraying them, and Dr. Cox easily qualifies here. Scrubs wouldn’t be half the show had Cox not been there ranting along every episode, something fans can never get enough of.

The main target of his barrage of insults was usually J.D., but there wasn’t any character Cox didn’t take a shot at during Scrubs’ tenure. We can’t rank them from worst to the funniest since none of his insults were ever bad, so here are 10 of the best overall insults Cox uttered on the show.

10 “Welcome To The First Annual Sacred Heart Who-Caresies Awards.”

The main characters on the show really did whine a lot about their problems even though nobody ever asked them about it. When Cox had enough of that in Season 7, he came up with the “Sacred Heart Who-Caresies Award” to commemorate the most recent problems.

Complete with his choice of nicknames for every character he nominated, which comprised of “Dame Judi Dorian, Gandhi, Barbie Reid, and the Todd.” Out of all the people with problems he couldn’t care less about, Cox went with his usual favorite in J.D. and announced him as the winner.

9 “That Depends – Does ‘Blah’ Mean Confused And Incredibly Annoying?”

When J.D. asked Cox if he felt all “Blah” about them being equals as attendings soon enough, Cox took it as another variation of J.D. annoying him. He then made his longest rant yet about just how much he didn’t care about J.D. becoming a resident that he even went so far as to badmouth Hugh Jackman and him being Wolverine.

8 “You Would Hear Cricket’s Chirping, But They Were Too Uncomfortable About Just How Unfunny That Actually Was.”

If you think Simon Cowell is a savage judge, then you haven’t heard of Dr. Cox’s critiquing yet. Here, after Carla tried too hard to be funny by coming up with awful puns, the reception was anything but warm to her comedy act.

When all she got was silence, Cox came up with the explanation as to why Carla wasn’t funny. Going on a long explanation, he enlightened her by pointing out that she was only good at sarcasm, and her attempts at being funny were painfully sad.

7 “Should I Talk Slower Or Get A Nurse Who Speaks Fluent Moron?”

It took J.D. a long time to understand the way Dr. Cox’s orders worked, and any time he messed up, he would have to pay for it by listening to Cox’s rants. In this episode, he misunderstood Cox once again and had to have it.

Since J.D’s mistake meant Cox would have to butt heads with Dr. Kelso again, Cox let his scolding out by wondering if J.D. could even understand English. And had J.D. indulged him, then we’re certain Cox would’ve brought out a nurse to speak Moron to J.D.

6 “You Have So Much Botox On Your Expressionless Face, I Can’t Tell.”

Under all the antagonism with which Cox and Jordan treated each other, you just know there was genuine love and affection. However, when Jordan wasn’t willing to be her usual self around him, Cox was more than a little miffed.

In order to get a rise out of her, he took to taking shots at Jordan’s expense every two seconds so they would go on their bickering spree. One of them involved going for her facial features, which we have to admit truly was very savage.

5 “You’ve Been Wrong So Many Times That I’m Not Even Going To Say Something Is Wrong Anymore. I’m Going To Say That It’s ‘Dorian’.”

Before J.D. underwent his character development and came out a more mature person, he made more than a few mistakes in his time. Catching on to how many times J.D. messed up, Cox kept a special insult for him.

He doled it out here when he felt J.D. was wrong in choosing to ditch his child’s first ultrasound. While he meant well here, seeing as he was pushing J.D. to see his unborn child, he still took it out on him by claiming anything wrong in the world qualified as a “Dorian.”

4 “Allow Me To Present – ‘Man Not Caring.'”

Rather than talk about his problems, Cox always opted to whine about it in his own loud and obnoxious way. Only Carla generally called him out for it, although she would also be hit with Cox’s sarcasm as a result.

When she told him to confront Dr. Kelso over the problems he had with the man, Cox chose to deny this logical thinking and instead began his usual schtick. In order to illustrate said point, he asked everyone to look at the face of a man who doesn’t care, and pretended to be jovial and nonchalant.

3 “And The Princess And The Idiot Decided That Their Kiss Didn’t Mean Anything. Because In The End… They Were Both Idiots.”

No matter how much Cox said he didn’t care about J.D. and Elliot’s romance, he was clearly a shipper on deck. In the seventh season finale, he came up with a story for his son Jack, which had Elliot as a princess and J.D. as the village idiot.

By the end of his tale, Cox drew parallels between the two’s actual romantic tension, as the princess and village idiot character ended up not confronting their feelings. Even in his story, he had both of these presented as the fools he always perceived them as.

2 “Well, If It Isn’t Marginally Attractive And The Beast.”

The Janitor always had a bit of a crush on Elliot, and in this Season 4 episode, he was challenged by Cox to try and woo her. When he saw that things might be swinging the Janitor’s way when Elliot started enjoying being around him, Cox voiced his opinion.

Branding them as the above quote reads, Cox at the very least admitted he saw Elliot as mildly attractive. As for the Janitor, being called the Beast was still not as bad as the things J.D. had been called. Still, it does present a picture in your head you can’t get out.

1 “Wrong, Wrong, Wrong…Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. You’re Wrong!”

Using this quote as a way to end arguments against people who are clearly wrong is the best way to end a debate. This mini-song has proven so popular that it’s even called “The Wrong Song.” Here, Cox wasn’t having any of Carla’s argument, so broke into his singing act.

If you’ve noticed about Dr. Cox’s arguing techniques, you’ll know that he tended to start ranting and shouting so much that the other person would simply leave. To achieve this, Cox began singing how wrong Carla was over and over again, to the point where he even seemed to have a chorus ready.

About The Author

Saim Cheeda
(1348 Articles Published)

Saim Cheeda is an entertainment writer covering all of Film, TV, Gaming and Books. He’s been a writer for Valnet since 2017, contributing 500+ articles for The Gamer, The Things, Game Rant, Comic Book Resources and Screen Rant. Apart from freelance writing, Saim is a lifestyle blogger, co-owning the blog 3 States Apart.

http://3statesapart.com

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