Seinfeld: 10 Reasons Why Jerry & Kramer Aren’t Real Friends

Abel worked hard all summer, harvesting his crops, while Cain just played in the field. And that’s why Cain and Abel could never be real friends. The analogy is applied to Kramer and Jerry in “The Merv Griffin Show” from Seinfeld.  Jerry is Abel, while Kramer of course, is Cain.

Kramer mooches off of Jerry, enters his apartment without asking, takes his things and breaks them, most of the time. We wouldn’t deny the two don’t love each other, why would Jerry let him do all of that if it wasn’t for friendship. But there are things that prove otherwise. Here are ten reasons why Jerry and Kramer aren’t friends.

10 Kramer Is Always The Seeker

Here’s what should strike you first about Jerry And Kramer’s friendship: Kramer is always seeking him out. Never the opposite. In the opening season, it’s Kramer who barges through Jerry’s door, to either borrow meat at 1 am in the midnight, give away the latest met game, use his phone to speak to Joel Hornick or leave his door open while taking the spatula. On that point, Jerry is hardly seen in his apartment.

George and Elaine cozy up to Kramer because he’s Jerry’s neighbor, and eventually the four build their camaraderie. But it’s always Kramer who looks for Jerry and wants to be close to him.

9  Jerry Took Back His Keys

In “The Keys”, Jerry is forced to take back his apartment keys. It’s Kramer’s fault, always. Sometimes, he will come at night to take the popcorn popper, he’ll use his bathtub and his towel during the day, and bring random women to Jerry’s apartment to fool around with.

The last instance, when Kramer brings his date to Jerry’s home, puts the two friends in quite a pickle. Both of them are with their dates, and in presence of these two women, Jerry snatches back his keys. Kramer falls to the ground, totally embarrassed. Last we checked, friends don’t do that to each other. Jerry could have used some privacy to take back the keys.

8  Ulterior Motive Behind Kramer’s Proximity To Jerry

Which directly brings us to our third point, does Kramer have an ulterior motive here? The guy is always mooching off of Jerry, in astounding ways. His food, his kitchen tools, appliances, his space, phone and what not. Why someone Jerry became friends with someone like Kramer will always be a mystery.

By Kramer’s own admission, having the keys to Jerry’s apartment kept him in a fantasy world. Everytime he went over to his house, it was a vacation, better food, better view, better TV. And so, that became his reality and he ignored the squalor in his own life. Kramer is more sad to lose privileges to Jerry’s place than being sorry for his inexcusable behavior.

7 Jerry Sent Kramer Back In His Blazing Apartment

In “The Chicken Roaster”, Kenny Rogers Roasters finally opens in their neighborhood. Jerry and Kramer are the first ones to stand outside the restaurant. The odd thing that they notice is the gigantic neon chicken in the roof of the restaurant. The red beams coming off of the chicken directly hit Kramer in his apartment. The roaster sign is right across Kramer’s window, it almost drives Kramer crazy. Although Kramer makes him switch apartments for some time, while coming up with a plan to drive Rogers out of business.Kramer of course keeps munching on the chicken secretively. As soon as Jerry finds out, he sends Kramer back to his red planet of an apartment. Jerry could have offered to share his apartment for a while, considering he knew what it was like to live at Kramers. But no!

6 Winsome Tulip Pam

Kramer falls in love with Jerry’s girlfriend, Pam in “The Soulmate”. Pam has delicate beauty that Kramer is smitten with. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. So, he goes to the best person for advice: Newman. Pure evil Newman advises Kramer to confront Jerry. At first, Kramer disagrees. But eventually, he does walk up to Jerry and says, “Pam can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan”.

Later, Kramer is aided by Newman, in confessing his feelings to Pam in the bookstore. The more Kramer wants Pam, the more Jerry does. Jerry and Kramer almost lose their friendship for Pam.

5 It Pleases Kramer When Jerry Loses His Money

Kramer’s friendship has done more harm to Jerry than any other thing in the world. For instance, Kramer brings Russian thugs to his apartment who smash his TV, he leaves his door open and Jerry gets mugged, etc.

All of these instances do make Kramer somewhat sad. Yet in “The Stock Tip”, when Jerry loses his money in stock investments, Kramer is thoroughly pleased. Kramer discourages Jerry by telling him his money is invested in junk bonds. What’s more, Kramer wants Jerry to invest in his roll-out tie dispenser, after losing his money. What did we tell you, ulterior motives.

4 Jerry Calls Kramer A Pod

Jerry on countless occasions has tried to insult Kramer. On his face, behind his back, it doesn’t matter. In “The Apartment”, Jerry behaves rather rudely with Kramer. You see, Elaine was supposed to move in the same building as Jerry. An idea that Jerry finds pleasing at first, but as their history strikes him, he wants her out. So, when Harold and Manny want $5000 deposit on the apartment, Jerry is confident Elaine would never have that much money, so she won’t be able to afford the apartment.

Elaine almost backs off. But then, Kramer suggests Jerry loan her the money, causing Jerry to say, “Kramer you are not normal. You are a pod, I on the other hand am a human being.” Ouch.

3 Kramer Makes Jerry Put In Illegal Cable

In “The Baby Shower”, Kramer offers Jerry 56 channels of illegal cable: movies, sports, nudity free for life. Knowing very well that it’s illegal, Kramer keep denying its legal status. It seems like Kramer cares more about the cable guys than about Jerry. It appears that, Kramer seems to be making a case about the amazing man, the Russian immigrant who escaped from the gulag to trade illegally in the United States. And on and on he goes, he sells slugs for the subway, he’ll slow down your gas meter, Jerry. Looks like Kramer want’s the Russian to make a living off of Jerry.

The Sakharov of cable guys put Jerry in trouble. Unable to install the cable, they demand $400 and smash Jerry’s television when he refuses to do so. As always, Kramer isn’t even sorry.

2 Gave Elaine The Bench She Wanted

It’s only fair, between a man and his best friend, the latter is supposed to gift his girlfriend half of what the man gives her. In “The Deal” Kramer belittles Jerry by gifting Elaine the bench she’s always wanted. He writes her a really sentimental card, too. What’s more, Kramer professes that he made a mental note of what Elaine liked.

You could argue that Kramer didn’t know what Jerry was getting Elaine, but he wasn’t he supposed to check, knowing especially Jerry and Elaine weren’t doing so good together. You could also argue Kramer’s a bum, but to insult Jerry’s gift of cash, rather than keeping quite was a whole new low for their friendship.

“That’s like something that her uncle would give her.”

1 Kramer Called Celia On The Merv Griffin Show

In “The Merv Griffin Show”, Kramer pretends to be Elliot Gould taking in the discarded set from his show. Kramer acts as the host of the show, and improvs with Jerry, George, Elaine and Newman. Jerry at the time is seeing Celia, a woman with an amazing toy collection. The only thing is, she won’t let Jerry touch his toys. So Jerry slips her the wrong kind of medicine countless times and plays with her toys.

Jerry confesses this on Kramer’s The Merv Griffin Show.

In one of the improvs, Kramer drops a surprise bomb on Jerry, by bringing in Celia to the sets. But before he calls her out, he gets Jerry to confess to the crimes. Jerry is humiliated in front of everyone.

“It’s a new format, scandals and animals!”

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