Seinfeld: George’s Exes, Ranked By Likability

The four protagonists of Seinfeld experience no dearth of availability in their dating lives — the problem is that they can never seem to maintain any romance for longer than a few weeks (in rare cases, months.) Jerry has had 66 paramours through the course of the show, Elaine’s number is 66, while Kramer lags behind at 16, although it must be said that the man doesn’t always “kiss and tell.”

As baffling as it may sound, George had 47 girlfriends/dates/relationships throughout the course of the series, most of which ended quite miserably, and almost always due to one of his innumerable insecurities. Some of them were intolerable from the outset, and more could be classified as uninspiring, at best, but there are certainly a few winsome women who George should have never let go of.

10 Bonnie

Bonnie is a great fit for George – almost perfect, in fact, because of her ideal apartment. The only problem is, of course, that she shares her living space with Scott, a man who looks and sounds way too much like George for his comfort.

Obviously, everything collapses when Scott takes every item of furniture with him, but it’s nice that Bonnie is amenable to having a ménage à trois with George (although the third person involved is not the gender he would have preferred).

9 Gwen

Another mess that George is the sole cause of is his relationship with Gwen, who he suspects wants to dump him because of the embarrassing television display of him dribbling ice cream all over himself.

This is evidently not the case, but according to classic Costanza paranoia, anything goes, doesn’t it? He asks Laura, Jerry’s girlfriend, to figure out if she’s talking smack about him at a party, but mistakenly assumes the wrong thing and spoils the fun for everyone.

8 Cynthia

Cynthia is a sociable person, but George is asinine enough to use a condom given to him by Kramer, which is, unsurprisingly, “defective.” She doesn’t get her period on time, so he’s instantly thrilled (instead of the stereotypical terror that sitcom males usually feel in this situation), because he has finally managed to “impregnate” someone.

George rushes to her house and excitedly informs her of his willingness to rear their child together. Cynthia pleasantly lets him know that she isn’t pregnant, but is happy that he turns out to be so responsible. Too bad he can’t eat like a civilized person.

7 Vivian

George decides it would be an excellent idea to combine food and TV with sex when he dates Tara, stimulated by the vanilla candles in her bedroom. She dislikes the concept, breaking up with him for his “perversion.”

Fortunately for him, he accidentally runs into another friend of Elaine’s, Vivian, who admits that she finds “the pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted cured meats. She and George indulge in a romantic evening as a consequence, but it doesn’t go too far beyond this point.

6 Mary Anne

George is mistaken as a tourist from Arkansas by Mary Anne, who represents the NY tourism bureau, but he doesn’t acknowledge her mistake because he wants to hang out with her.

He continues the series of lies by claiming that he plans to shift his life to NYC, but she thinks that the city has “eaten him alive,” just as she foretold, earlier. Their relationship goes no further than this point, but it’s certainly refreshing to see someone care about George’s well-being, albeit in a warped way.

5 Victoria

The first time George attempts “the opposite,” he immediately gets attention from Victoria, an unknown woman having lunch at Monk’s. Their dating happens offscreen, but it’s revealed that it’s her uncle who is responsible for him landing his dream job: working for the New York Yankees.

Victoria disappears after this, but the fact that she opens a whole world of career options for George cannot be underestimated. Not to mention that she’s one of the very few girlfriends who doesn’t have any known problems with him.

4 Karen

Karen and George are really good for each other, but the man can’t leave well enough alone. He insists that there’s no way she could be so pleased with him in bed (based on his own insecurities about his performance), and turns anxious to the point of losing his libido.

It returns later, thanks to Kramer’s mango, but then he goes and foolishly accuses her of “faking it,” stating that there is no need for her to continue her “act.” She splits up with him on the spot, but gives him a second chance a few episodes later, and is last shown trying to ease George’s fears about Jodi, Jerry’s girlfriend, hating him.

3 Susan

George is engaged once, to Susan Ross, but the amount of misery he puts the poor woman through is beyond measure. All his drama, neuroses, self-effacement – she deals with it all with a smile on her face. Susan even allows him to choose the cheapest possible option for their wedding envelopes, despite wanting the ceremony to have at least a hint of class.

Sadly for her, Susan is killed by those very same envelopes. At least, George gets his poetic justice when he realizes how much money and property he lost by not getting married to her.

2 Audrey

Audrey is liked by everyone, which is quite a rare occurrence on the show, considering the amount of judgment usually passed by the four main characters. George is upset because her nose is too big and sneakily manipulates her into getting rhinoplasty.

It fails, so he shamelessly breaks up with her, only to discover that Audrey gets her nose rebuilt to perfection (but she ends up dating Kramer, instead). Sucks to be George, but he deserves this one.

1 Paula

Paula is probably the nicest of all the girlfriends George dates, simply because she says that “looks aren’t that important” to her. George’s mind jumps to the first conclusion — that “she thinks [he’s] ugly,” and he confronts her about the situation. She simply mentions that he “could drape [himself] in velvet, for all [she] care[s],” which triggers an uncomfortable array of fantasies in his head.

George proudly appears, donning a velvet sweatsuit (having somehow found a tailor to indulge his ridiculous notion of fashion). Everything goes spectacularly, but then he gets turned off when she sucks on a peach pit that he had discarded.

About The Author

Ajay Aravind
(429 Articles Published)

In real life, Ajay disguises himself as an academic, mainly writing textbooks for children — who all hate him for making their lives more miserable. He also writes about TV and film, strewing his opinions across the internet to see if people care (they don’t). You can find him @stain_dprinc_ss on Twitter.

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