Sex and the City: 10 Things About Mr. Big That Would Never Fly Today

When Sex and the City was first made, it was considered revolutionary, and at the time, it was. But today, things are different. When it comes to Mr. Big, there are quite a few things about the character that have aged very poorly. From his attitude towards relationships to the relative power imbalance between him and Carrie, this character wouldn’t fly as is today.

Here are some of the worst parts of Mr. Big.

10 He Makes All The Money

For starters, Big makes most of the money when it comes to his relationship with Carrie. While at the time SATC was made, this might have seemed like the right dynamic between a man and a woman, and even one that women might have been perceived to hope for, this certainly wouldn’t fly today.

Carrie is shown as quite independent which was very modern, but she still falls for a debonair upper-class man who can “take care of her.”

9 He Thinks Emotion is Weakness

Big barely ever lets Carrie into his heart, a trait that may have seemed attractive at the time, but is an absolute no go today. The only time Big allows Carrie to see any of his softness is when he’s already been rendered vulnerable by extraordinary circumstances, like undergoing surgery.

His lack of emotional intelligence is meant to paint him is manly, but it’s a trait that really aged poorly.

8 He Treats Commitment Like A Bad Thing

Carrie, and to extents the audience, are meant to perceive Big’s commitment phobia as a signifier that he is “a real man.” Because men are notable for their inability to commit to women, and it is up to the women to convince them they really should.

Big will just never give in to make space for Carrie in his life, in fact, in one episode of the series, he refuses her so much as a drawer, even though he wants her to spend the night. Talk about things that need to change.

7 Until He Changes His Mind

But, of course, Big is perfectly capable of commitment, but only when it feels right to him. After ending things with Carrie, he starts dating Natasha and becomes engaged and married to her right away. Natasha is perceived as “the perfect woman” — in a way that is really offensive to both of the women in question.

Carrie is made to feel like an unreputable, embarrassing fling, and Natasha is chosen simply because her outward appearance makes her seem like the right fit to Big.

6 And Then Changes It Again

But, of course, Natasha is “too perfect” for Big and he strikes up an affair with Carrie. Once again, he is unable to commit to anyone but himself. He simply wants what he wants when he wants it and no woman is enough to please him for very long.

Too independent, too demure. This kind of disrespect would never fly today.

5 He Only Responds to Threats

Big only gives Carrie any kind of response when she gets “dramatic,” otherwise, he puts almost no effort into their relationship at all. Instead of putting in the work that needs to be done, he pretends he simply can’t handle any kind of effort that might have to come from him.

Even though he is perfectly capable of taking his mom to church or meeting his friends for brunch, he can’t do anything for Carrie until she gets mad.

4 He Acts Like He Doesn’t Need To Consult Carrie About Anything

In Season 2, Big casually tells Carrie that he may have to move to Paris, and becomes indignant when she gets upset and “emotional.” This is pretty endemic of their entire relationship. Big doesn’t have any room for Carrie and doesn’t think he owes her anything, not even an opinion on something that affects her too.

Absolutely unacceptable.

3 He Strings Carrie Along

Carrie is ready to commit to Mr. Big so many times, but he only wants to play, will I? or won’t I? It’s not just that he’s afraid of commitment, but that he actively re-engages her whenever she’s ready to move on, bringing her back into the relationship only to want to back out again.

Not committing is one thing, but leaving just enough hope and then squashing it, again and again, is truly terrible.

2 He Thinks An Apology Solves Everything

Whether its a break-up or leaving Carrie at the alter, Big thinks he can just say he’s sorry and get away with it. But once he says it, he never puts in any more effort or follow-through than that. When he breaks Carrie’s heart, he just writes her emails… but they’re not even his original words.

This kind of lack of effort from a man in a relationship simply cannot stand.

1 He Wants to “Just Handle It”

Although it seems romantic at the outset, Big’s desire to be the one to “just handle” things big and small in Carrie’s life is actually incredibly controlling. Carrie is a woman who is living her life and handling it well, and especially towards the end of the series, achieving a great deal of success.

Carrie doesn’t need Big to “just handle it” and his desire to is not a component of his character that aged well.

About The Author

Rotem Rusak
(78 Articles Published)

Fangirl extraordinaire. Lover of all things pop culture, including Marvel, Hannibal, Harry Potter, and more.

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