South Park: The 10 Best Quotes That Are Surprisingly Clean

South Park‘s foul-mouthed characters are not for everyone. The show is known for its adult humor and may cause some to raise their eyebrows. However, beyond Cartman’s fart jokes and Randy’s marijuana marketing strategies, there are some memorable quotes in South Park that don’t have a single cuss in them.

The clean but impactful quotes on the show are a testament to Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s creativity. South Park‘s main characters, like Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick, are not just memorable when they’re delivering dirty jokes. In fact, some of the best moments in the show come with surprisingly clean lines.

10 “Anything That’s Fun Costs At Least 8 Dollars.” – Eric

On a boring weekend, Eric and his friends are walking around town looking for something to do before they finally decide on laser tag. However, Stan doesn’t want to go with them because he’s saving up for a new bike. Eric exasperatedly explains to Stan what he claims is the first law of physics, which is that fun things cost at least eight dollars. Kyle follows it up quickly with “Yeah dude, nothing fun is free.”

In Stan’s persistence to find a free activity, he ends up taking a free Scientology personality test. The rest of the season 9 episode, “Trapped in the Closet,” parodies what Scientologists believe. It’s one of the most controversial storylines in South Park, ending with Parker and Stone hilariously asking the Church of Scientology to sue them.

9 “We Have To Care More About Later Sometimes, You Know?” – Stan

The boys discover that movie directors have been altering their films to become more politically correct. Some of the funniest changes include guns being replaced with walkie-talkies and Wookies being called “hair challenged animals.” Stan and his friends have had enough and start a club to save their favorite films.

The rest of this season six episode, “Free Hat,” involves a plot to stop the evil directors and prove that PC movies are ruining the industry. In the end, the boys’ efforts go unnoticed, and Kyle wonders if the good things they do even matter. Stan blurts out a surprisingly wise statement about how sometimes the things people do doesn’t matter right now, but it will later. Overall, the episode reminds the viewer that it’s the good things they do that “separates us from the Steven Spielbergs and George Lucases of the world.”

8 “I’m Not Fat, I’m Festively Plump.” – Eric

Eric has been known to deny his size in the series, claiming that he’s just big-boned. Kyle and his friends make fun of him (and bigger people, in general) in the season 9 episode, “Raising the Bar,” comparing him to people who need mobility scooters due to their size.

For a brief moment, the viewer may think that their teasing might prompt Eric to want to lose weight. Instead, he declares that he’s simply “festively plump” and embraces his size. His newfound acceptance of himself leads him to get his very own Rascal mobility scooter.

7 “Just Because Your Parents Can Afford Better Toys Than Ours Doesn’t Make You Better Than Us!” – Stan

In the Season 7 episode, “Lil’ Crime Stoppers,” the boys play detective and track down a little girl’s missing doll. They find out that the doll is being held hostage by other kids roleplaying as kidnappers. As the boys contemplate what they should do next, a group of kids roleplaying as the FBI shows up and starts giving them orders.

Tucker and his group obviously have better fake toys than they do, which causes Stan to get frustrated about the whole situation. When Tucker claims they can’t charge the front door because they have to follow the FBI, the boys find another way to solve the situation. In the end, they prove that better toys don’t mean more fun.

6 “The Best Thing Is Not To Act Nice, Eric, The Best Thing Is To Be Genuinely Nice.” – Jimmy

The season 7 episode “Casa Bonita” is one of the best Kyle & Cartman episodes in the show. It starts with Kyle announcing that Shiela is taking the gang to a Mexican restaurant for his birthday. Everyone is invited, except for Cartman, who Kyle fears will make a scene in Casa Bonita. Eric promises not to be his usual rude self and tries (and fails) to act nice to Kyle and his friends.

This memorable line appears when Cartman asks Jimmy, “How do you act nice to people?” Instead of following Jimmy’s advice, Eric decides to fake his niceness, which leads to several lies, an epic police chase, a fake apocalpyse, and not a lot of Mexican food in the end.

5 “If You Want It To Go Away, All It Takes Is A Little Self-Control And Personal Responsibility.” – Kyle

There’s a new Wall-Mart in town and it’s causing small businesses to close, leaving citizens of South Park jobless. The boys hatch a plan to stop it, but no matter what they do, the “mystical evil force,” as they call it, just keeps coming back.

After Kyle realizes that the store is evil, he turns to some of the townspeople and says that all they have to do is not shop at Wall-Mart anymore. Unfortunately, things are more complicated than he thinks. This season 8 episode, aptly called “Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes,” shows that it takes more than personal responsibility to tackle gentrification and consumerism.

4 “All I Think About Is The Problems Our Generation Is Inheriting.” – Eric

Over in Tegridy Farms, Cartman is complaining to Kyle about all the changes that have been happening on the farm. His rant quickly gets out of hand, as he begins to think about the bigger problems of his generation.

“Climate change, overfishing, Kyle … I mean, how are we supposed to get happy about anything?” Kyle’s reaction is to ignore him, which is not unlike how a lot of people likely deal with these big issues in real life. The line sets up the rest of the season 23 episode, “Mexican Joker,” which parodies real political issues in the country.

3 “Respect My Authoritah!” – Eric

This classic Cartman line is one of the more popular quotes from the show and has become an iconic meme for fans. It comes from the Season 2 episode, “Chickenlover,” where Eric abuses his “authoritah” as a cop.

He goes around on his patrols and violently deals with offenders. At one point, the episode even parodies the show Cops, as Cartman beats up Randy for breaking the speed limit. Cartman’s ridiculous pronunciation of his tagline throughout the episode is especially funny, considering how the show gives no reason for his sudden accent. Power really does change people.

2 “Family Isn’t About Whose Blood You Have In You, Family’s About The People Who Cared About You.” – Kyle

In the Season 7 episode, “It’s Christmas in Canada,” Kyle is about to lose his brother Ike after his Canadian birth parents show up to take him back. The boys travel up north to convince the Prime Minister of Canada, who is a giant floating head, to convince him to change his laws on adoption. He gives a moving speech about why Ike belongs with him and says: “We’ve taken care of him because he needed us to, and that makes us more family than anything.” This touching moment is ruined by the Prime Minister, who incinerates Kenny with his laser eyes.

All’s well that ends well, however, as the Prime Minister’s true identity is uncovered and Ike is reunited with his true family. The episode is especially enjoyable for fans who believe Ike deserves to be part of the group, given how prominent his role is in the show.

1 “So I Guess What I’m Feeling Is Like A Beautiful Sadness.” – Butters

The Season 7 episode, “Raisins,” revolves around stories of love and heartbreak. After Stan is dumped by his girlfriend, Wendy, he experiences a deep depression and ends up joining the goth kids. The goth kids, who have become some of the best characters added to South Park, teach Stan to hate other people and life in general. Meanwhile, Butters has fallen in love with the waitress from Raisins, Lexus.

When Butters is inevitably dumped by Lexus, Stan and the goth kids invite him to join them in hating life, to which Butters explains that his sadness actually makes him feel alive. He says that the only way he could feel sad is if he felt good before, so what he’s feeling is a “beautiful sadness.” This surprisingly poignant line teaches Stan an important lesson, which leads him to ditch the goth kids and go back to enjoying life.

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