Spider-Man Trilogy: 10 Funniest Quotes

Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy, which spanned from 2002 to 2007, is one of the best superhero trilogies of all time, in the opinion of many fans. Despite an arguably lackluster final installment, the series tells a complete story, with incredible action sequences and complex, emotional, character moments.

While these elements are a key factor in determining why the series is appreciated by many, it must be noted that each movie in the franchise features hilarious instances of comedy. From J. Jonah Jameson’s brutal quips to funny character decisions and actions, the Spider-Man trilogy is renowned for its humor – but which quotes are the funniest?

J. Jonah Jameson Picking On Peter – Spider-Man 2

“What Are You Looking For, A Raise? Get Out!”

It is hard to imagine any other actor playing the editor-in-chief of The Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson. JK Simmons’ portrayal of the character is so iconic that the MCU brought the actor back to portray their version of the character in their own Spider-Man trilogy.

When Jameson’s employee suggests “Doctor Octopus” as a name for Otto Octavius’ supervillain alter-ego, Jameson rejects it, only to suggest it himself, to which the employee says “genius!” In typical Jameson fashion, he berates his employee as he believes he is looking for a raise. It is a funny moment that encapsulates why Jameson works so well as comic relief.

Peter Calling Out Green Goblin – Spider-Man

“It’s You Who’s Out, Gobby, Out Of Your Mind!”

While the whole Spider-Man franchise has comic book-accurate moments, it is arguable that no film captures the campy, slapstick feel of the Spidey comic books than Raimi’s first movie in his trilogy. While some argue that Spider-Man got the character’s humor wrong, it is had to not find one particular quote amusing.

Maguire’s version of the character may be mostly silent during fights with villains, but in the scene in which the Green Goblin poses as a scared woman to trap Spider-Man, the web-slinger produces a funny comeback to the Goblin’s proposal for a team-up. It is arguably an excellent reference to Spidey from the comics, as the character makes ridiculous quips such as this.

Doc Ock Trying His Hand At Humor – Spider-Man 2

“Has Anybody Lost A Large Roll Of 20 Dollar Bills In A Rubber Band? Because We’ve Found The Rubber Band.”

One of the reasons why Spider-Man 2 is often considered not just the best of the trilogy, but one of the best superhero movies of all time, is because of the powerhouse performance from Alfred Molina as Otto Octavius. Even Kevin Feige himself has stated that Molina is the only casting choice for the character, per Empire.

Part of Molina’s effortless charm comes from his humor. Before his experiment is revealed and everyone winds up in danger, Otto tells a joke that he himself says is terrible afterward. Part of the humor of the joke comes from the fact that the joke feels entirely out of place in the setting, yet Molina’s delivery makes it hard not to crack a smile.

Peter Bidding Farewell To Eddie Brock – Spider-Man 3

“See Ya Chump!”

It is the opinion of many that Raimi’s final installment of the series, Spider-Man 3, does humorous moments better than the other movies in the trilogy. One such moment that emphasizes this is when the infamous character of Eddie Brock attempts to take a picture of Spider-Man, who smashes his camera.

Maguire’s comedic performance in this movie, despite being the catalyst for most people’s dislike of the film, is actually quite impressive. Spider-Man humiliating Eddie feels deserved as he is an awful person, and him saying “see ya chump!” as he jumps down a sewer drain has been the subject of several memes, proving it to be a memorable comedic moment.

J. Jonah Jameson Mocking Peter – Spider-Man 2

“Aww… Miss Brant? Get Me A Violin.”

The character of J. Jonah Jameson, played by J.K .Simmons with impeccable comedic timing, is consistently a (mostly) benign enemy to both Peter Parker and his Spider-Man persona. When Peter begs Jameson to accept some of his shots as he needs the money, Jameson mocks him.

It may be cruel, but it is hard not to laugh given how perfect Simmons’ performance is. His complete lack of care for Peter’s wellbeing manifests itself in him ironically asking his assistant for a violin, a common phrase which people use to feign empathy for people who claim they are struggling.

Peter Picking On Harry – Spider-Man 3

“Look At Little Goblin Jr., Gonna Cry?”

It may not be considered one of Sam Raimi’s best movies, but Spider-Man 3 does have its fair share of redeeming qualities. From some excellent action sequences to genuinely emotional moments, the movie is not a total failure like some insist it is. One of the best elements of the movie is its hilarious quotes.

During an emotionally-heavy action sequence between Peter and Harry Osborn, in which the two confront one another as Harry believes Peter is responsible for his father’s death, Peter gains the upper hand and mocks Harry. It is an effective indictment of Harry, as a character, being unable to live up to the villainous nature of the Green Goblin.

Peter Detailing A Crazy Day – Spider-Man

“I Had To Beat An Old Lady With A Stick To Get These Cranberries.”

Part of why Raimi’s original Spider-Man trilogy remains in the public consciousness is because of how well it fits into modern-day meme culture. From Spider-Man 3‘s dance sequence, which was parodied in Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, to Norman Osborn’s statement that he is a “somewhat of a scientist” himself, which was referenced in Spider-Man: No Way Home.

One such meme-worthy moment is when Peter arrives late to Thanksgiving dinner and jokingly claims that his tardiness is a result of having to wrestle with a woman to get some cranberries. On its own, it is a lightly amusing moment for the audience and characters in the scene, but given how this line has been immortalized almost 20 years later, proves how hilarious it is.

Peter Complaining About Physical Injuries – Spider-Man 2

“I’m Back, I’m Back! My Back… Oh, My Back!”

One of the main plot elements of Spider-Man 2 is Peter’s existential crisis which causes him to temporarily lose his superpowers. Following numerous instances of him struggling to use his webs, Peter finally decides that a “strong focus” on what he wants will allow him to use his powers, which leads to disastrous results.

He takes a running leap off of a high-rise building, celebrating prematurely, only to tumble to the ground, landing on his back against a parked car. It is a hilarious moment as his belief that he is back is quickly followed by his groaning about his injured back. Seeing this moment referenced in No Way Home, which honors this classic Spidey moment, makes it funnier.

Jameson Canceling The Caterer – Spider-Man 2

“Tell Her Not To Open The Caviar.”

Something that sets apart Spider-Man 2 from Maguire’s other movies and Andrew Garfield’s two movies, is that it ends, not at a funeral, but at a wedding. Mary Jane abandons her husband-to-be at the altar to be with Peter, leaving the groom’s father, J. Jonah Jameson, to deal with the fallout in a hilarious way.

Jameson solemnly tells his wife to call the caterer and tell her not to open the pricey dish. It is so fitting for the character to be thinking of his financial wellbeing at the moment that his son is experiencing heartbreak, and, while cruel, it is an example of why his humor makes him one of the best characters in the Spider-Man trilogy.

Peter At The Jazz Club – Spider-Man 3

“Now Dig On This.”

The infamous Spider-Man 3 is host to some of the most bizarre character decisions ever put to film – but also some of the most memorable. When MJ is about to sing in the jazz club that she works in, Peter ambushes the stage, trying to impress his date, Gwen Stacy, by playing the piano and dancing around the room.

Just when it seems as though it cannot get any stranger, Peter quietly whispers, “now dig on this.” While for some this quote is cringy and unlike the character, it is difficult not to laugh at the absurdity of it. While unconfirmed, it is possible that this quote represents Raimi’s ire against Sony for forcing his hand to change his vision for the movie, telling them that their ridiculous decision has caused this to happen.

About The Author

Ross Phillip
(44 Articles Published)

Ross Phillip is a freelance writer and video editor based in Scotland. As a university graduate in English Literature and Film Studies, he is an experienced writer, particularly in film analysis. In addition to this experience, Ross is utterly passionate about film and television, with a particular love of Breaking Bad and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ross’s love of cinema led to him writing a 10,000-word dissertation on the ability of the movies to provoke a visceral reaction, allowing the viewer to feel what they see on screen.

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