Ted Lasso: Roy Kent’s 9 Best Quotes

The Apple TV+ sitcom Ted Lasso starring Jason Sudeikis as the titular football coach is currently airing its second season. Ted may be the primary protagonist, but fans have especially warmed to Roy Kent, played by actor/writer Brett Goldstein. Richmond F.C.’s oldest player—and later a member of the coaching team—Roy doesn’t hesitate to offer his opinion and is prone to angry outbursts.

Nevertheless, he has revealed a softer, more thoughtful side on a number of occasions, and is one of the reasons why Ted Lasso was the best new show of 2020. Through his interactions with his girlfriend Keeley, his niece Phoebe, and the rest of the Richmond squad, Roy’s best quotes are either humorous, wise or surprisingly touching—sometimes all at once.

9 “Hey, Siri. Play The ‘Roy Is Sorry For Not Understanding Keeley’ Playlist”

One of the central and most captivating elements of the show is Roy and Keeley’s relationship, which is one of Ted Lasso‘s plot points fans most want to see continued. Keeley’s laid-back and jovial nature balances out Roy’s hot-headed austerity, yet viewers see a gooier side to Roy when he’s with Keeley. In one scene she tries to watch TV while he keeps interrupting her, prompting an argument in which Keeley explains that she needs more time to herself. To apologize, Roy runs her a bath with candles and flower petals and makes her a playlist.

This quote is sweet and shows that not only is Roy sorry, but that he knows why Keeley is upset and why he is apologizing. He clearly does understand his girlfriend after all, and should therefore change the playlist’s name.

8 “That’s Actually Pretty Good.”

This is one of Roy’s funniest quotes when taken in context. He’s prompted to admit to Keeley that her impression of him is pretty good after she says, “I’m Roy Kent, and I get paid to play a game, but I’m mad all the time,” followed by a grunt. The quote is so great because it shows that Roy, as one of Ted Lasso‘s most powerful and intimidating characters, doesn’t shy away from making concessions about himself, despite being so grumpy and terse. Having the willingness to laugh at oneself is a desirable trait, and certainly one of the things that Keeley likes about Roy, as their playful friendship graduates to a romantic relationship not long after this interaction.

7 “You Deserve Someone Who Makes You Feel Like You’ve Been Struck By F***ing Lightning—Don’t You Dare Settle For Fine!”

One of the things that makes a character so rich and adored by fans is their ability to surprise—it’s especially moving when a nugget of wisdom or, in this case, an unexpected compliment emanates from their mouth. Roy barks this quote at Rebecca, the club’s owner, after she muses that her current relationship is “fine.” It rubs Roy the wrong way and he orders her not to “dare settle for fine.”

Roy cares deeply about a select few people and holds them to high standards. That’s just one of the reasons why he is so rewarding to watch. He always speaks his mind, and sometimes that can be insulting, but other times it can be deeply affecting, like in this instance, which he leaves Rebecca speechless and close to tears.

6 “You’re An Ugly, Ugly Boy… With Bad Hair.”

Roy has a contentious relationship with Richmond’s star striker, the antagonistic Jamie Tartt. When Roy first joins the coaching team, he refuses to give Jamie any instructions, despite his asking for them. Jamie’s tactic is to agree with everything Roy says, even when Roy starts dissing his playing and then, as in this hilarious quote, his appearance.

Roy is obviously messing with Jamie and it’s quite cruel. Despite the banter, though, Roy does care for him and they have one of Ted Lasso‘s best relationships. After Jamie’s unpleasant altercation with his father in the Wembley locker room, leaving the whole squad speechless, Roy steps forward and hugs the young striker without a word.

5 “Stupid Barking Means It’s Over, Right?”

Late in season one, Ted, Coach Beard, Nate, and Higgins form a coalition and christen it the Diamond Dogs after David Bowie. The group is a safe space in which they discuss issues within their personal lives and hear some hard truths from their confidants. As is to be expected, Roy has no patience for this kind of thing, which is why he asks, “Stupid barking means it’s over, right?” at the end of one of the Diamond Dogs’ sessions.

Roy is correct in that the conferences are terminated by the four men howling like dogs. This quote is a classic example of Roy at his most taciturn. But it’s also interesting because, even though he’s not a member, Roy is often nearby for the meetings. Despite his outward lack of interest, he cares deeply about others, evidenced right from the series’ get-go when he asks the other players to stop picking on Nate.

4 “We Lost. Would Have Been Closer But One Of The Goals Got Disallowed Because Apparently 9-Year-Olds Aren’t Allowed To Do Headers Yet.”

After Roy’s final Richmond game, he takes up the position of coach for his nine-year-old niece’s school football team, a position he takes very seriously. Roy brings the same level of aggression as he would to a Premier League game, screaming in the little girls’ faces and calling them names.

While that sounds like the behavior of a madman, when Roy does it, he manages to make it strangely endearing and has a very sweet relationship with the players, also doling out compliments when necessary. This quote demonstrates Roy’s passion for coaching, even when it’s a middle-school match, and foreshadows his later career steps midway through season two.

3 “I Do Yoga With A Group Of Women In Their Sixties. They’ve No Idea Who I Am. It’s Twice A Week, And It’s Really Good For My Core.”

When Keeley questions whether Roy is seeing someone else because of his long period of absence and failure to respond to texts, he decides to come clean and reveal that he does yoga with a group of mature women.

What makes this quote especially funny—besides the implausibility of this angry, hairy footballer practicing the Downward Dog with these pensioners—is Goldstein’s delivery. The information is stated with such haste yet in such a calm manner as if Roy wants this conversation to be over as quickly as possible. However, he does proceed to fill Keeley in further, explaining that “Maureen’s just been going through a divorce.” Once again, Keeley is one of the few people with whom Roy lets out more of his true self.

2 “Where Does Bernard Live?”/ “Roy, We Are Not Going To Go Beat Up A Little Kid.”/ “Why Not?”

In Ted Lasso‘s first Christmas episode, Phoebe is distraught after her Secret Santa, a boy at school named Bernard, gives her mouthwash and a toothbrush and tells everyone that her breath is “rancid.” This prompts Roy to ask in a menacing tone, “Where does Bernard live?” which Keeley swiftly shuts down.

This quote demonstrates Roy’s supreme love for his niece. As far as he’s concerned, there’s no reason why this nine-year-old kid shouldn’t get beaten up for upsetting Phoebe. The quote also incites a charming scene in which, instead of beating him up, Roy, Phoebe, and Keeley pay homage to Love Actually by standing outside Bernard’s house. While Christmas music plays, they hold up hand-made cardboard signs that express how much he hurt Phoebe’s feelings. It’s a clever idea from Keeley, one of the show’s most intelligent characters.

1 “I Like Being Roy Kent. I Don’t Know If I Can Handle Just Being Some Loser Has-Been Called Roy.”

This quote is Roy at his most vulnerable, opening up to Keeley shortly after playing his concluding match for Richmond. It may not be the most relatable quote for viewers, but it’s easy to empathize with Roy’s apprehension about his uncertain future—football is all he’s done for two decades and he’s now faced with being just Roy. Thankfully, Keeley is able to show him that “just Roy” is pretty great—he has a loving girlfriend, people who care about him at Richmond, and, as viewers later see, a career in the sport ahead of him.

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