The 10 Funniest Lines in Netflix’s Middleditch & Schwartz

Middleditch & Schwartz is a recent Netflix special that has three hour-long episodes of long-form improvisation that stars Thomas Middleditch and Ben Schwartz. The two talk to the audience at the beginning of each episode to get a basic plotline and then come up with including several hilarious lines from both Middleditch and Schwartz.

The completely improvised episodes show off the two actors improvisational and comedic skills that Middleditch has shown while starring as Richard Hendricks in Silicon Valley and Ben Schwartz has shown in his reoccurring stint as Jean-Ralphio Saperstein on Parks and Recreation. Here are some of the funniest lines throughout the three-hour special.

10 If I Had Slippery Enough Shows, I Could Slide All The Way To The End.

Ben Schwartz says this line completely outside of the plot in the first episode. The two begin arguing in the middle of a bit as Schwartz mentions that the universe only has one sun, which prompts Middleditch to ask him if he’s a flat-earther. He takes a moment to share this ridiculous theory that if he had slippery enough shoes and enough momentum he could slide around the entire world and just keep going. Middleditch stops the show and makes him explain himself in the middle of the episode.

9 You Want Me To Abandon My Boy?

The second episode about law school takes a wild turn as Ben Schwartz introduces an alien character that has been living in the classroom for years. The alien asks for a child, a friend, and only one of the students has two sons and she has to choose which one she’ll give to Jason the alien.

Schwartz, as the student with two kids, starts this line, and Middleditch screams it, multiple times, to emphasize the importance of this student abandoning her boy. The idea that a law student needs to sacrifice a child to an alien is funny itself, but adding this line puts it over the top.

8 It’s A Classic ‘What The F***’ Plotline.

Thomas Middleditch says this line after becoming increasingly, and hilariously, annoyed with where Ben Schwartz was taking the story with his improv. Schwartz begins to allude to a secret door in the law school classroom in the second episode and pretends to be an alien, that’s very hungry for both food and friendship, and Middleditch has had just about enough with it when he delivers this line.

7 Is It Going To F*** Me Up, Or No?

At the beginning of the first episode, Middleditch starts to mention something about the bride but stops himself. Schwartz starts pushing him to share the details and takes a moment to say this line and make everyone laugh. The fact that the show is entirely improvisational means that Middleditch could start bringing in any detail about the bride he wants and this response is hilarious and self-referential.

6 Taking Credit For Other People’s Murders Is Not Cool.

Thomas Middleditch says this line in the first episode of the series as Short Paul who is upset at his ex-partner’s wedding and is trying to get her back. The backstory of Paul, the bride, and the groom is slowly revealed throughout the episode and part of that is when Paul and the bride were on a date and Paul accidentally killed a clown who attempted to rob them in an alley. Paul figures out that the groom took credit for the story and claimed he killed the clown himself.

5 I Am Loose As A Caboose.

Middleditch begins a reoccurring joke in the first episode of the audience at the wedding saying that they’re loose, specifically the bride’s father who is clearly tightly wound. Other characters say that they’re loose, and the mother of the bride says this line. He begins to say it, stops himself, but Schwartz eggs him on and makes him finish the line to a big laugh from the audience.

4 Did You Know That Cotton Blend You’re Wearing Looks Stupid? Take Care.

In the second episode, Middleditch and Schwartz introduce several students in the contracts class and one of them immediately fails a test and quits law school. As the student, Middleditch announces that he’s leaving forever and none of the students react as he walks toward the exit. Right before he leaves, Schwartz stops him and delivers this line as a completely unnecessary but hilarious line.

3 You Know, One Time I Jumped Off Mount Everest And Landed On My Feet.

Ben Schwartz introduces the groom’s brother early on in the first episode as an over-exaggerated character who is only focused on his own outrageous and clearly untrue accomplishments.

Schwartz rapidly talks as the character and lays out how his best man’s speech would go, including a microphone filled with champagne and a yo-yo. By far the funniest line he says as the character is when he claims to have jumped from the top of Mount Everest and landed on his feet, perfectly fine.

2 I’m A Simple Cat Farmer.

In the third episode, Middleditch and Schwartz portray two characters who are friends and are both looking for a job as a photographer. The audience member said he was interviewing for an internship at Saturday Night Live and Middleditch’s sketch comedy show creator begins to hit a little too close to home just in general. The two take a few seconds to come up with very specific attributes for the character that sets him apart from those in real life, including him being a simple cat farmer.

1 This Is What’s Behind My Door Of Secrets. This F***ing Guy.

Ben Schwartz begins talking about a secret door in the second episode at the law school and Thomas Middleditch is not excited to see what’s behind the door. Middleditch begins to open the door and Schwartz starts spouting out gibberish and tries to jump out of the door, but Middleditch slams it shut. Middleditch says that he’s not excited to meet whoever that was, but he finally opens the door and says this hilarious line.

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