The 10 Most Impractical Weapons In Video Games, Ranked

Action-oriented video games are loaded with weapons, many of which have gone down in history as icons all by themselves. However, mixed in with the classics are a bunch of weapons that are absolute head-scratchers, particularly because they’re so implausible and impractical. In the real world, these weapons would never fly, and would certainly get laughed into the dustbin of history.

Yet, in the world of video games, disbelief is a prerequisite, and that means weapons that would normally be more of a threat to the wielder, rather than the foe, are commonplace. If any of these weapons ever did make it past the drawing board and entered the production phase, the lawsuits would rain down like a monsoon.

10 BFG 9000 (DOOM)

The very existence of the BFG 9000 necessitates that gamers suspend all concept of reality. It’s one of the most impractical video game weapons ever made, even if its power as a weapon in the DOOM franchise is inarguable.

Problems arise when trying to rationalize the weapon in a real-world setting. The BFG 9000 fires large spheres of plasma which trigger damage to nearby enemies in its field of effect. The overall design concept, the R&D costs incurred to create the weapon, and its chaotic damage output would probably have kept it on the drawing board, never to get a green light.

9 The Fat Man (Fallout)

This satirical and highly destructive weapon is a Fallout mainstay, and it’s completely impractical from every logical standpoint. The weapon essentially fires small nuclear warheads with a vastly reduced area of impact, but that’s of little comfort for the person wielding it.

First, the explosion itself would trigger a massive heatwave that would spread out from every direction, killing the shooter. If they somehow managed to survive the blast, radiation would be thrown out in every direction, causing its own set of problems. The Fat Man replicates the effects of a traditional nuclear explosion, which means it’s automatically off the table in the real world.

8 The M-490 Blackstorm (Mass Effect 2)

Chalk this Mass Effect weapon up to utterly ridiculous, due to the very nature of how it operates. The M-490 fires a black hole-style singularity that can draw enemies in and crush them with a gravitational implosion. Even small black holes can be catastrophic due to their mammoth gravity well, which means this wouldn’t work.

Worse, the weapon doesn’t affect the main player or their teammates, which is puzzling, to say the least. Anything caught in the singularity, friend or foe, would be affected. Firing this thing in real life could trigger a nightmare scenario, as black holes the size of a hydrogen atom could theoretically suck in everything within a 2,000-foot radius.

7 The Crissaegrim (Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night)

Impractical weapons don’t have to be weighed against real life. Some are impractical within the actual game in question. Take the Crissaegrim, a legendary weapon in the classic Metroidvania title Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. Once acquired through much trial and error, it effectively destroys the game’s challenge factor.

The Crissaegrim is so overpowered that it can slice through any boss in the game with little trouble. It’s a rapid-fire sword that strikes multiple times at blinding speed, with an incredibly large striking radius. It’s an amazing weapon to acquire the first time around, but repeat players may want to avoid it.

6 M-80,000 Helio Bomb (Contra III: The Alien Wars)

Classic video games are loaded with a ton of weapons that make no real-world sense, and Contra has its fair share. The third chapter of the iconic shooter franchise brought back a lot of weapons from previous titles while introducing new ones like the M-80,000 Helio Bomb.

This weapon can be triggered to deal with a screen full of enemies, and it’s handy in a jam. Unfortunately, the weapon itself would instantly vaporize the player if used in the real world, making it hardly worth the effort.

5 The Gun Blade (Final Fantasy VIII)

Squall Leonhart might be one of the best characters introduced in a new Final Fantasy game, but his Gun Blade is one of the strangest weapons in the franchise and one of the most impractical. The weapon does not fire actual live rounds, as the gun hilt and revolver-style loader might suggest, but instead triggers a shockwave down the length of the actual blade, during the strike.

The ramifications of this would be rather devastating. Without some sort of a dampening mechanism in the hilt, the repeated shockwaves could potentially shatter the bones in the wielder’s hands and arms. Plus, swinging the weapon and pulling the trigger at just the right time would undoubtedly end in disaster.

4 Flame Shot (Metal Slug)

The video game shooter genre is packed with lots of weapons, including traditional shotguns, and flamethrowers. Metal Slug decided to combine the two into one weapon, creating the Flame Shot. It’s a bit of a head-scratcher, even within the context of the game.

Essentially, the Flame Shot fires a blast of pure fire out the muzzle, which can fry enemies and armored vehicles. Trouble is, it’s a very impractical weapon from a logical standpoint. The overall blast would be rather weak in comparison to a sustained flamethrower, and it would lack the punching power of a pellet-based shotgun shell.

3 Police Backup (Streets Of Rage)

The first Streets of Rage game hadn’t yet worked out the kinks when it came to move sets, which meant that special moves were left out, in favor of some good old-fashioned police backup. Triggering the special attack causes a police officer to roll up in a cruiser, and fire an explosive rocket or minigun rounds, which rain down on foes.

Trouble is, the players are also standing in the blast radius. In true classic video game fashion, players are left unharmed, whilst foes are burnt to a cinder. In real life, this would be the equivalent of killing the patient in order to cure the disease.

2 Bubble Lead (Mega Man)

Mega Man weapons acquired from challenging bosses are quite odd, to begin with, but some make no sense at all. The Bubble Lead is perhaps one of the worst offenders in the franchise, relying on a superheated bubble of sulfuric acid that rolls on the ground, damaging foes.

Sulfuric acid is literally one of the most impractical materials to use in a weapon. It’s extremely corrosive and toxic, and weaponizing it would create its own set of threats to the wielder, including possible long-term health problems.

1 Sai Fung (Bayonetta)

Nunchaku are an impractical weapon within the martial arts community, even for those who have trained with them for years. The amount of hand-eye coordination required to make the weapon work is considerable, and that problem would only get worse if the handles were actual gun barrels.

Bayonetta’s Sai Fung might look dazzling in a fight, but it’s the most impractical weapon imaginable. The sheer lethality of the weapon would make it hazardous to the person wielding it, to say nothing of the innocent bystanders that might be in the vicinity.

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