The Office: 15 Best Creed Bratton Quotes

Creed Bratton is one of the most underrated characters of all time, nevermind just on The Office. Creed was such a good character that he won the “one of you has to be written out of the show” race against Devon. It’s hard to picture what the show might have been without Creed, but thankfully, Creed stayed on the show.

There are countless memorable scenes and quotes from the often confusing and probably under the influence of drugs or alcohol Creed Bratton, whose real name isn’t even Creed Bratton. With such a specific character, it was always going to create some unforgettable quotes, delivered in a way that only Creed Bratton could deliver them.

Updated January 15th, 2021 by Kristen Palamara: The Office continues to be one of the funniest mockumentary sitcoms that have aired on television mostly due to its hilarious main cast of characters living their daily lives at the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Although the show typically focuses on the main cast of characters there are several side characters who have engaging and hilarious dialogue that are just as funny as the main cast even though they don’t have full storylines devoted to their characters. Creed Bratton’s hilarious and out there quotes prove that he’s the office’s resident oddball old guy and his quotes deserve the laughs.

15 I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader.

Creed is mostly known for his dialogue being completely unprompted, out of nowhere, and ends up being more confusing as he brings up tidbits about his life but never fully explains the entire story. Creed claims to have been a part of several different cults over the years and has even led a few of them in his time. Any other character saying this wouldn’t be believable, but because it’s Creed, there’s a chance it’s all true.

14 Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

Creed admits to the cameras that his real name isn’t even Creed Bratton, and apparently, the real Creed Bratton stole from him so he either killed him and took on his identity or he just stole his identity. Creed never fully explains what he means by this and he says that he has another identity that he blames issues in his life on when the authorities come after Creed Bratton. This random line makes the audience wonder, yet again, what exactly Creed gets up to when he’s not in the office.

13 If my parents see this, I’m toast.

As the documentary the crew has been making about Dunder Mifflin prepares to air, Creed becomes worried when he’s told that it’s going to air that night. He pauses, gets scared, and says this line saying that his parents are going to be so upset when they see this documentary air on television. It’s a typical Creed quote that is hilarious and yet really doesn’t make sense.

12 The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive like I did when I was a homeless man.

Creed has a rich past that he alludes to in his quotes throughout the series, but the audience never gets the clear and full picture of Creed’s life before he worked at the office or even what he does outside of office hours. Creed is responsible for not performing quality assurance checks before reams of paper were delivered to a local high school that had lude watermarks on them. He comes up with an elaborate plan so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for the mistake and be able to keep his job.

11 I am not offended by homosexuality, in the 60s, I made love to many women, often outdoors in the mud and rain. It’s possible a man could’ve slipped in there. There’d be no way of knowing.

Michael wrongly tells the entire office that Oscar is gay and it begins commentary about each employee’s personal views on homosexuality including Creed’s completely accepting view. Creed, again, brings up tidbits about his past life including his sex life in the 1960s that evokes the 60s mentality of free love that seems completely in character for Creed to have been part of the movement.

10 I already won the lottery, I was born in the U-S of A, baby.

When the warehouse workers win the lottery, the ripple effect reaches into the office workers, who begin to wonder what they would do with the money if they were to win the lottery. They sit around fantasizing about their rich dreams and Andy can’t seem to get them to get back to work. Creed is the only person who isn’t interested in winning the lottery, Because, by his logic, he already won the lottery by being born in the United States of America.

9 I’ve never owned a refrigerator before.

In episode 22 of season 2, the memorable “Casino Night,” the person with the most chips at the end of the night gets a mini-fridge courtesy of Vance Refrigeration.

Creed Bratton immediately puts his plan in action and starts cheating and stealing to get to the top. He wins the fridge, at which point Creed makes the bizarre declaration that he’s never owned a refrigerator before.

8 We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.

One has to wonder what Creed Bratton does in his spare time. It’s a good bet that he commits some kind of crime, but not all the time when he’s outside of the office. He may well have admitted to one of his preferred activities in Season 5, episode “Frame Toby.” Phyllis asks Jim where he lives and he gives his address and adds that it’s by the quarry. Creed immediately perks up. “Cool beans,” he says, before launching his friendly invitation to hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.

7 Later, Skater.

Creed Bratton is retirement age, as he reveals to Jan before the Rabies Fun Run. But when Ryan becomes Dunder Mifflin VP and starts bringing in new ideas to make the company younger, Creed takes notice and starts to try to make himself seem younger. His solution is to use all the black ink in the copier to dye his hair and he one-ups himself by going to the vending machine, asking if they can get some Redbull, doesn’t wait for a response and turns to Ryan and says, “Later, Skater.” It’s a perfect example of Creed’s mind.

6 Do you want to see a foot with four toes?

A question that only Creed Bratton could ask. On bring your daughter to work day, Meredith brings her stripper-to-be son, and everyone in the office pitches in, trying to show the kids something cool to keep them entertained.

Never one to be outdone, Creed offers to let them see something cool, his own foot, which naturally only has four toes on it. Most of the children think it’s a gross idea, but Meredith’s son is enthused by the prospect of seeing Creed’s foot.

5 If I can’t scuba, what am I working toward?

In an episode that outed Pam’s pregnancy, Stanley’s affair, and Michael being a Calvin Klein model, perhaps the most troubling rumor to spring up about anyone was poor Creed, who was rumored to have asthma. A frantic Creed goes into a panicking fit, trying to root out the source of this most dastardly rumor. “Did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma? ‘Cause I don’t. If this gets out they won’t let me scuba. If I can’t scuba, what am I working toward?” Aside from the obvious reaction to learning that Creed is learning to scuba, the audience has to admire just how passionate he is about his future in it.

4 Who’s your worm guy?

Another foray into the beautiful mind of Creed Bratton. When Michael falls in a koi pond and kills one of the fish, he’s billed for $300. Michael complains that he can catch the fish himself for a five-cent worm. Always wanting to be helpful, Creed makes it clear that Michael pays way too much for his “worm,” before asking “who’s your worm guy?” It’s wonderful to think that Creed has an actual worm guy, but The Office has used ‘worm’ before to refer to pot, which is what Creed could be referring to.

3 Then I’ll have two chairs, only one to go.

One of the many times where you just had to want to know more about what Creed was thinking. In season 4, episode 10, “The Chair Model,” Michael is seeking a replacement chair, but naturally, he can’t make it easy. Pam is waiting to get Michael’s old chair because her chair has fallen into disrepair. But not so far into disrepair that Creed can’t make use of it. When he gets Pam’s old chair, then he’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.

2 It’s Halloween, that is really, really good timing.

In one of Creed Bratton’s most iconic moments, he shows up to work in a bloodstained shirt. There have always been suspicions about what kinds of crimes Creed Bratton has committed, and murder has never been ruled out. But it’s Halloween. Only Creed didn’t know it was Halloween until he showed up to work. Then, in front of the cameras, it dawns on him what day it is. “It’s Halloween. That is really, really good timing,” he says with a smile.

1 I stopped caring a long time ago.

The most iconic Creed quote around, and it is also brought to us by “Casino Night,” which may just be the first episode that Creed truly dominates from the background. He is caught stealing, of course, because that’s what Creed does, and he admits to the camera that this is just something he does. His reason—”I stopped caring a long time ago.” If there was one line that summed up Creed Bratton as a character, this would be it.

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