The Office: The 10 Funniest Kevin Malone Moments, Ranked

“It’s not Ashton Kutcher, it’s Kevin Malone!” Everyone’s favorite accountant has had some incredible moments in The Office that are severely underrated. He was silent and in the corner for most of the first and second seasons but he slowly came out of his shell and became the man of the hour for one-liners.

Kevin’s hilarious moments have been sprinkled in over the past nine seasons, but only so many can be considered his funniest.

10 Kevin’s Lack Of Effort In “Stress Relief”

In the episode “Stress Relief,” Dwight’s actions forced the entire office to do safety drills. While Kevin is learning to do CPR, he gives it all his might before saying “Call it” and walks away from the dead body. The hilarious moment is brief but reminds Dunder Mifflin that if there’s ever an emergency, the last person they would want help from is Kevin Malone.

9 Is Hilary Swank Hot?

In the episode “Prince Family Paper,” the office is torn on whether or not Hilary Swank is hot. After looking at pictures, Kevin explains that she “looks like a monster with bangs,” which prompts the office to divide into sides. Kevin explains there’s a “huge difference” on whether a person is hot or beautiful, so Jim tries to convince Kevin that it doesn’t matter if she’s hot — he would still sleep with her.

However, Kevin reminds him that the vote is on if she’s hot, not if someone would date her. Seeing how much effort and thought process went into this decision proves that Kevin can be passionate about things when he wanted to be; Just not numbers!

8 His Love For Girl Scout Cookies

It’s no surprise that Kevin loves food but fans see just how much he loves sweets in “Last Day In Florida.” With Darryl and Toby selling Girl Scout cookies at work on behalf of their daughters, they both realized they could sell their whole stash to Kevin. Kevin even made a rap for his favorite season, “cookie season.”

In the episode, Darryl and Toby went head to head to see who could sell most of their cookies to Kevin first. Kevin made the two go through various obstacles to prove their dedication to him, including singing and dancing. Seeing Kevin in such glee over cookies was one of his more shining moments.

7 When He Took Pam’s Position

When Pam left Dunder Mifflin to join the Michael Scott Paper Company, the office needed someone to fill in immediately. Charles Miner put Kevin at the reception since the accounting department already had two other people. Sadly, Kevin couldn’t do Pam’s job well either.

When calls came in, he had a hard time transferring the call to the right associate. Instead of transferring the call, he would scream the person’s name to pick up the phone!

6 The Turtle That Was Already Dead

Who can forget when Kevin talks about the amazing summer he had but had a moment of doubt when he ran over a turtle. He tried to save the turtle by patching up its shell with random things he found around the office but when it was time to test it out, he smashed the shell again. As likable as Kevin is, this was not his best moment. He tried once again to repatch the shell but it turns out the turtle had already died. It was then that he realized the turtle probably died the first time around when he ran it over in the parking lot…

5 When He Kept The Secret For Oscar

Later in the series, Oscar and Angela’s fiancé, the senator, began having a secret affair. While Oscar was telling the camera crew about their relationship, Kevin ended up overhearing the conversation, making him apart of the secret now. The problem is that Kevin is a horrible secret-keeper and tried his hardest to keep it from Angela but every time Angela spoke, Kevin giggled at the thought of her husband sleeping with Oscar.

Somehow, Kevin kept the secret from the office and from Angela until the senator came out on his own terms. He was so proud of himself for not letting the cat out of the bag!

4 When He Skipped Words To Save Time

In the episode “The Incentive,” the show kicks off with Jim and Pam concerned with Kevin. Instead of speaking like he normally does, Kevin was skipping words and not making sense. In a talking head Kevin says, “Me mechanic not speak English, but he know what we mean when we say ‘car no go.’ And we best friend! So me think why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?” Jim, Pam, and Andy all tried to explain to Kevin that he’s wasting more time than he thinks and eventually agrees to stop skipping words. That is until he becomes president…

3 “It’s Not Ashton Kutcher”

Kevin wanted to put his best foot forward at Jim and Pam’s wedding so he wore a toupe for the occasion. He was hoping to attract a young lady with a full head of hair and loved the way he looked. “It’s not Ashton Kutcher! It’s Kevin Malone. Equally handsome, equally smart,” he said in a talking head. This is a prized Kevin moment, especially at the end of the wedding when Kevin is seen walking to the ice machine with his feet in tissue boxes. Seeing Kevin so proud of the way he looked made fans wonder why he didn’t wear his toupe more often.

2 He Mistook Holly’s Ring Finger As The Middle Finger

Kevin isn’t the brightest bulb but he gets brownie points for trying (although there are theories that Kevin’s smarter than he looks). In the episode “Ultimatum,” the office is one edge waiting to see if Holly broke up with AJ or not. With a few of the employees waiting to see if Holly had a ring on her finger, she took off her glove and pointed her ring finger at the group to prove that she wasn’t engaged. Kevin, however, thought that Holly was pointing the middle finger at them so Kevin retaliated. He flicked her off and said, “Right back at you, b**ch!” Holly seemed confused but it was a hilarious moment because it was so unlike Kevin’s character to be so hostile!

1 The Chili Cold Open

One of the best Kevin Malone moments was when he told the camera crew that he loves to cook and makes his famous chili every year for the office. The cameras watch Kevin lug this massive pot of chili out of his car and into the office but end up spilling it all over Dunder Mifflin’s carpet. Kevin is quickly trying to push the chili back into the pot but it’s too late.

Kevin told cameras that the “trick is to uncook the onions” and that the recipe had been passed down for generations. He gave the entire recipe to the camera crew, enticing fans to recreate the chili themselves.

About The Author

Lynn Gibbs
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Lynn is a nomad who travels the globe on the hunt for her next adventure with her husband. A lover of being outside (and finding the best latte in town), Lynn is typically hiking, walking, or jogging when she’s not focusing on her love of writing. When it comes to shows streaming on Netflix or anything Bravo-related, Lynn’s your gal.

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