Why Eric Balfour’s Jesus Hates Zombies Movie Never Happened

What Would Jesus Do in the zombie apocalypse? Moviegoers may never know, because they never received the gift of Eric Balfour’s Jesus Hates Zombies live-action adaptation film, of which he was slated to star in and direct. However, as of February 2020, the film is still in development.

Jesus Hates Zombies would have been based on the series of graphic novels from creator Stephen Lindsay, Jesus Hates Zombies featuring Lincoln Hates Werewolves in: Yea, Though I Walk, which spanned over four volumes. The Alterna Comics-published series takes place in the not-so-distant future where zombies have overrun the Earth in a battle between Heaven and Hell. God, in fear for the future of humanity, sends his only son, Jesus Christ, to save the world. However, when he arrives, his powers have greatly diminished, so he sets out to find the last-remaining faithful humans and rally them for his cause.

The zombie hordes are led by Satan’s right-hand-man, who is sent in the form of a teddy bear, Vordrex. Along the way, Jesus and his trusty Louisville Slugger team up with his zombie sidekick, Laz, a stripper companion, King, Mother Theresa, Elvis Presley and a time-traveling Abraham Lincoln, who also comes equipped with his own problems: werewolves.

The Reason Why Jesus Hates Zombies Never Happened

Considering the project is still in development and the fact that Balfour even posted a trailer to his Vimeo account, which spotlights Jesus in a vintage The Clash t-shirt and his bat-swinging skills, timing may indeed have been the issue. The script was penned by filmmaker Michael Mongillo (Diane) and actor Jason Alan Smith (Before I Wake). In fact, it was slated to include the visual effects team behind 300, Avatar and Marvel’s The Avengers.

It was certainly the right kind of weird to join the ranks of such post-apocalyptic films of that period like, Stripperland (2011), two bring-your-zombies-to-school films in 2012’s Dorm of the Dead and Detention of the Dead and, in the 16th president’s triumphant ‘versus’ return, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012). Though, over the course of the zombie explosion of the 2010s, there were a few gems that offered a fresh spin on the genre, including a captured-film thriller, [REC] 3: Genesis (2012), romantic undead drama, Warm Bodies (2013) and Contracted (2013), which also garnered a sequel in 2015.

There are a few factors, however, as to why it hasn’t happened, but the popular belief is that the genre had already been oversaturated at the time of its announcement. Balfour not only unveiled the project a year after The Walking Dead launched on AMC, but it came at a time where, especially in 2011-13, it would have joined hundreds of zombie-related content, including digital short films and video games. Considering everything that is going on right now in the world, the hope is that this serves as an open invitation to Balfour and Co. to resurrect Jesus Hates Zombies and bring it to a streaming platform.

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